Saturday, June 30, 2012

The death of you and me

Maybe it's really over for us.
The distance between us is unbearably painful.
At least it is for me, you probably don't care at all.

It was a relationship, a friendship that meant everything to me.
And now, I'm on the brink of giving up on it.

I don't want to be lied to.
I don't want to be told that I'm an important friend when it's obviously not true.
I have no idea if you actually mean it or you're just trying to convince yourself that I still mean something to you.

I can't feel anything.
You don't even tell me anything anymore.
We're like complete strangers.

I never wanted to be a friend where you just go and get drunk and smoke crap and have a good time with.

Not a fair weather friend.

I care, and I wish I could be there for you.
But you wouldn't let me anyway.

I screwed it up and wrecked it.
But I always thought that there is still something left.
That it could still be saved somehow.

Everyday, I hope a little bit less.

People say that when you hit rock bottom, the only way left to go is up.
That's already been disproved for me.
I lost the person I love the most,my best friend.

So what am I going to lose next ?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A normal day like every other

My birthday came and went away.
It was just a normal day after all.
My birthdays usually are.

Special occasions are only special when the special people make it special for you.

That's what I believe anyway.

Ok well something special did happen today.
I got my 1st penta-kill on league of legends.
Yay me.

And I had fish soup at FC6.
Usually it's meatball soup.

And yeah.
That's all for my birthday.

I wish you were here.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Broken Arrow

The 'interview' went ok.
Had a good chat with the guy.
He wants to see more of my work though.
I don't even know if I can find anything else presentable to show.

Deadline is in a week.
I might not make it in time to be able to get a company to intern at.
Also this flu and sore throat is not helping my mood.

I had a pretty good dream though.
There was somebody there.
This girl whose face completely disappeared from my mind the moment I woke up.

She nursed and cared for me.
She gave me warmth, told me stories about herself and listened to me.
And before I fell asleep, she told me that she'll be right there when I woke up.

Then I woke up, and nobody was there.
Just my blue walls and the sound of my fan.
Reminding me that I'm alone.

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Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - AKA.. Broken Arrow



Leave me in peace I'm on the side of the angels
If I die in a dream then let me live my life
But all the lies they have told me
Make me wanna shiver
When I'm lost and I'm lonely
That's not gonna ease my troubled mind


Saturday, June 16, 2012

If I had a gun ?

I'd shoot a hole into the sun, and love would burn this city down for you.


Nah, I'll just shoot some people 1st then maybe myself.

Life has been .. normal-ish.

Wake up at 10, go to school, work until 7 or 8, go home, eat, game , shower, sleep.

Haven't really had time for much of anything else.

If it's not fyp it's some other assignment.

If it's not that then it's stressing out about internship.

Worrying if I'll even manage to get a place in a company somewhere to do something.

Compiling works, editing my showreel, writing e-mails.

Putting myself through Noel Gallagher therapy.

Listening to his music makes me feel like somebody understands.

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Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - If I had a Gun



I'm waiting for the moment, for my heart to be unbroken by the sea

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

I'm alive


Why ?

Stop breaking me.

It's getting harder to put myself back together.

I'm tired.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to say.

Not like it matters.

So what if I had things to say, not like it would have affected you.

What do I have now.

Nothing.

I have no warmth.

No comfort.

No spirit.

Material comforts mean little.

At the end of the day.

All that's left is half of me.

A cold empty shell.

A skeleton barely there.

And tomorrow... I wake up again...

Skeletal fingers wishing for a warm hand to hold on to.

Everyday.

But there won't be one.

There never has been.

Forget it.

Screw it.

Why would I bother picking up my pieces just to let them be smashed again.

I won't be complete anyway.

Whatever.

I won't ever get what I need.

What's the point.

I'm not going to try anymore.


Friday, June 1, 2012

Stand By Me

The 2nd stage of FYP is over.

3 long days of waking up at 5.30 and leaving school at 8pm.

Now... temporarily enjoying life at home.

Lazing around, gaming, reading etc.

Diablo 3 isn't as good as expected.

Still good though, gameplay is very addictive.

And well, storyline has never been the Diablo series's strong point,

So yea, a bit of a break before the post production begins.

Hearing your voice was nice.

Even though I was kind of scared of what you would say.

I still miss you.

I wish I wouldn't.

Then I won't be so affected.

So that I wouldn't care so much that you're leaving again soon without telling me anything.

I really want to just not care.

You'd like me to not care as well right ?

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 Stand By Me



Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday
I've got a lot of things to learn
Said I would and I'll be leaving one day
Before my heart starts to burn

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new, don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Times are hard when things have got no meaning
I've found a key upon the floor
Maybe you and I will not believe in the things we find
Behind the door

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new, don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows
Yeah, nobody knows, the way it's gonna be

If you're leavin' will you take me with you?

I'm tired of talkin' on my phone
There is one thing I can never give you
My heart will never be your home

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new, don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows
Yeah, nobody knows, the way it's gonna be
The way it's gonna be, baby I can see, yeah

Don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows
Yeah, God only knows the way it's gonna be