Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lullaby

I can't sleep.

So I'm watching that CNBLUE concert on Jasmine's blog.

There's so many songs that I've never heard before.

And also, I like the way they redid most of the songs in some way.

Minhyuk's song 'Star' is actually pretty good.

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I'm really jelly.

You've never ever offered to sing me a lullaby.

It would be really nice, if I could fall asleep hearing your voice.

Eh well.

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Why is it so difficult ?

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Grim

I guess I can't ever escape.

My dark desires, with you at the heart of each and every one.

Every damned time, I think I'm ready to face it.

And every damned time, I get thrown back down again.

I just can't handle it.

I really shouldn't have went. I couldn't enjoy myself at all.

Honorary mentions to Bryan for making my night more bearable.

Not when every other minute the topic of conversation is the one that keeps biting and gnawing away at me.

Slowly grating my tolerance away.

And it really sucks that my mind keeps going to places that I don't want it to go to.

I wish I could find some comfort, some peace, somewhere.

I wish I could talk to you. But I never know what to say.

I don't want to make things worse.

I don't know what the hell.

I don't know which way to go.

Where should I turn ?

What's the right direction ?

I'm just stumbling around in the dark.

I don't want to be alone, cloaked in my darkness.

It's scary.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Mellow

Enjoying my new guitar.



Rally Neo Sound semi-hollow body electric guitar in candy apple red.

Cost me $380 and so far I'm loving it.

It's really such a joy to play, feels good in my hands and easy to play.

And I still have $270 left over.

Contemplating if I should get a better amp or not.

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I'm wondering if I should get a job ahhh I'm so lazy.

I just wanna laze my holidays away.

But I need to get out of the house more.

I've been a recluse for the past few days other than going out to take away food.

Ahhhhh somebody call me out to do something please.

Ok well I have to go to school for some talk tomorrow so I guess that counts.

Alright. Bed. Sleep. Goodnight.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The importance of being idle

There's always this time of the night, where no matter what, I'll just stop doing anything and think of her.

And I never actually realize its happening until it happens.

And I guess I don't actually dislike it.

When I think of her and I remember all the stuff we've been through.

The laughter and the tears and the warm fuzzy feelings.

But in the end the road ahead has already been decided.

"I need you"

"I can't stand being without you"

"I don't want you to leave"

"I don't want to let you go"

These are the words of a weak person.

"Because I love you"

Do these words change anything ?

Does love make a person weak or strong ?

Perhaps I've just been using this word 'Love' to cover up and make excuses for myself.

I've realised that I can live without her.

I can stand being away from her.

I can watch as she walks away from me into the arms of someone else.

I can do all that if I force myself to, even if it hurts so bad.

But I can't stop my heart from skipping that beat every time I see her or something related to her.

That whenever I'm at the bus stop or on the bus, I'm always looking out for that familiar figure. Always hoping that somehow she will be there.

" I love you "

But I won't use that as an excuse anymore.

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Valentine's day wasn't so bad.

I guess lots of bad things happened. Not to me but still it sucks.

At least I sort of went on a date.

A really sketchy 'sort of'.

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Hey... is it too much of me to ask for another kiss ?

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Oasis - The importance of being idle



I sold my soul for the second time
'Cause the man don't pay me
I begged my landlord for some more time,
He said "Son, the bills are waiting"

My best friend called me the other night,
He said "Man, are you crazy?"
My girlfriend told me to get a life,
She said "Boy, you lazy"

But I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, if you give me a minute, a man's got a limit,
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it, he-heah

I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, give me a minute, a man's got a limit,
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it, he-heah

I lost my faith in the summer time
'Cause it don't stop raining
The sky all day is as black as night
But I'm not complaining

I begged my doctor for one more line,
He says "Son, words fail me"
It ain't no place to be killing time,
I guess I'm just lazy

I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, give me a minute, a man's got a limit,
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it, he-heah

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Let's start again

Playing basketball by myself today, I thought about a lot of stuff.

Thus causing me to miss 90% of my shots. /excuse

I thought about what was it that I wanted exactly.

And... I still don't know a lot of it.

But I want her to be happy. Her not him, he can die and I wouldn't give a damn.

To always be smiling beautifully.

I think if it's like that then I can be happy(er) too.

They say if you truly love someone, you can be happy for them.

I believe I can do that too.

So yea...

Start over.

Let's try this again.

Aftermath take 2. Let's go.

I don't wanna be a disappointment.

I can take it.

I can take it.

I can take it.

I can take it.

I can take it.

I won't be a jealous prick.

I won't be a jealous prick.

I won't be a jealous prick.

I'll just keep my head down, and do my own thing.

Get on with life.

It's not the end of the world.

As Huijun always tells me, "you'll find someone who you love and who loves you back one day"

And there's the noisy idiotic jcc bunch who are fun to hang out with from time to time.

There's Huijun and DT and sometimes maybe helmet too.

There's ZW and his infectious laughter.

There's my fellow perv-in-arms Bryan.

There's Haizul who I can always whatsapp.

I just wish perhaps we could talk more.

Before that day, I really really thought that we would never have spoken to each other ever again.

Then I would gradually disappear altogether from your memories.

There are these long periods that we never see or speak to each other and it gets really lonely.

But I guess that's just another selfish request.

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Yellowcard - Hang You Up



I get lost sometimes
Another year flies by
But I know if I try
Memories of the light in your eyes
Can take me back in time

It's hard to see you, we are older now
And when I find you, you just turn around
This is a black and white of you I found
I hang you up and then I pull you down
It's hard to see you we are older now
And when I find you, you just turn around
This is a black and white of you I found
I hang you up and then I pull you down
I hang you up and then I pull you down
I hang you up and then I pull you down

I don't hear music anymore
My ears are tired of all the pictures in the words
Cause you are in them...still

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Delirious

Whatever happened to the good day I promised myself.

How do I handle having what I can't have constantly being paraded in front of me ?

So what do I do when reality keeps slapping me in the face ?

That every time I want to take a step forward, the wind just wants to throw me back again.

Rock bottom gets lower every time. When you think things can't get any worse, they just do.

Yay.

I hate constantly having to pick myself off the ground.

Today I really just felt like casting out half the resolutions I made that day, throw them out the window.

Having sex without any emotions doesn't sound half bad at all right now.

In fact it sounds pretty damn good.

Who cares about falling deeper.

Not me.

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/sigh

It really sucks, when a man can't fight for the one person he loves the most.

I really am the worst.

I am so selfish that I can't even find it in myself to wish for her to be happy with him.

I'm really such a lousy human being.

I'm sorry.

But I don't ever want to forget that taste and that warmth. Not ever.

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It seems like that's just what I'm always saying. 'I'm sorry'

But I'm not done.

It's not over yet.

I have promises that I have to keep.

I'll get up again tomorrow.

And I'll fight these battles again tomorrow.

I might not win, but I'm not gonna lose either.

I guess that's because I'm one of those hopeless people that believes love will prevail in the end.

We'll see how that goes in the end.

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Noel Gallagher - Cast no shadow



Here's a thought for every man who tries to understand
What is in his hands
He walks along the open road of love and life
To find it if he can
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
As he faced the sun he cast no shadow

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Smile

and wave goodbye.

A special blend of bitterness , sadness and sweetness.

It's a funny funny feeling.

Maybe now.

Maybe now finally.

I can move forward again.

Run run run.

Don't look back.

Don't regret.

Don't be scared.

Don't be angry.

Don't cry.

Don't be sad.

It's time to grow up.

And I won't look back in anger.

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I have a new resolution.

I wanna be good at something.

I'm going to get into guitar seriously.

I don't really have anything else.

Is it too late to finally have an aspiration when I'm going to be 20 soon ?

Gonna save up for a decent mid-level electric and amp.

For myself, I'm going to stop wasting my life away.

Come on.

Let's do this shit.




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Oasis - Don't look back in anger ( acoustic set )