Sunday, September 16, 2012

Whatever

I didn't go to work today. Woke up at 2.45 pm.

Whatever, stay at home all day chilling.

Didn't play any games, listened to tons of music, watched some DoTA and LoL.

Current favourite songs :

1) Noel Gallagher - Don't Look Back in Anger ( Acoustic )
2) Noel Gallagher - Whatever ( Teenage Cancer Trust Live )
3) Oasis - The Masterplan
4) Oasis - Supersonic
5) Spyair - 0 Game

Noel Gallagher - Whatever ( TCT 2010 )

The backing orchestra and choir is absolutely amazing. 
Listening to this song reminds me of just how wonderful music can be.
Years ago, I would have scoffed at the idea of a string orchestra playing alongside guitars.
It really brought out the soul of Noel's music and voice.





Whatever you do,
Whatever you say,
Yeah I know its alright.






Thursday, September 13, 2012

Go Away

When she suddenly appeared in my dream.

I forced myself to wake up, to end the dream.

I want to forget.

I want to erase all the memories.

The good and the bad, everything.

What's the point when even the good memories cause pain.

Just go away.

And we'll probably never meet ever again.

But that's just fine.

It will be for the best.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Masterplan

WORKING SUCKS.

Jeez I would stay in and game all day if I could but my parents keep bugging me to get a job. I guess I can earn money but its not really a problem when I spend like $3 a day on food.

So yeah, working at the samsung service centre at B2 of plaza sing. It was pretty boring when it was just data entry, but damn I prefer that way more than customer service. Holy shit the amount of retards and bitchy self-entitled singaporeans who act like the whole world owes them shit.  I really can't stand those.

There are the nice patient customers that bear with me while I waste their time asking those with more knowledge so I can help them properly. And while I do appreciate them, I really dislike dealing with people in general. So I would really rather not work at customer service and just stay in the backroom opening new service orders. Although its not an exciting job, at least it is peaceful and I don't have to deal with random bitches.

Somehow they all think that they are the most important customer in the world. FFS all those bitchy customers, I swear all of them are flying off on some urgent business trip the next day. Go fuck yourselves, we can't do shit for you when your phone needs to be repaired and its 2 mins before closing.

SUCK IT UP. It's kind of your own problem you didn't bring it in a few days earlier.

SO FUCK YOU.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Work rage aside.

Guild Wars 2 is pretty damn good.

And all my LoL buddies are mostly in the army so I'm not playing that much now.

Trying to get back into DoTA 2, it's hard though, after playing LoL for so long.

I'm so lousy at it now dammit.

Ahh I wanna game so much more but I guess money is good. I can buy stuff. If I actually knew what I wanna buy.

It's good to have some lying around at least.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oasis - The Masterplan



Take the time to make some sense, of what you wanna say
Cast your words away upon the waves

Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Good Rebel

So.

School's out.

FYP is over.

ELAW exam is over.

Everything is over.

There's a sense of relief, and yet also immense disappointment.

We set out with such high expectations of ourselves, we thought we could create something amazing.

Sadly that was not the case in the end.

We worked with professionals yes, it was a good experience, but in the end our inexperience cost us. We tried accomplishing something that no previous batch was able to do and we failed to live up to expectations.

During reviews on set, we thought we could always fix slipshod footage during post production, and it bit us in the ass.

We committed the most amateur mistake ever. Not everything can be covered up and fixed with a computer. It was like the first thing we were thought about filming back in 1st year.

In the end we were not satisfied at all. We could have done much better, our hurry to finish filming all those months ago cost us. We weren't limited by abilities, we were held back by sub par footage.

And it's the worst feeling in the world, knowing that it was or own ambition and enthusiasm that cost us.

We wouldn't fail. Definitely not, but it could have been so much more.



And then there was ELAW exam, god that was one hell of a fiasco. Pretty much everybody walked out the exam room saying 'ok we're screwed on this one'.

So I guess everyone is screwed on ELAW lol.


But its all over so now its holidays.

I've got like 2 months until Internship starts on the 22nd of October.

If I can get through that, then I can graduate.

And then move on to NS where I will probably drop dead during training.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds- The Good Rebel



If heaven helps you help yourself I hope you never change
Rebel let them help themselves and wash the truth away
And every man will follow them so what else can you say?

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Little By Little

Consider this song, the last dedication.

To mark the end of what we were.

An ode to the warmth we lost.

When you left me behind.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Oasis - Little By Little


As little by little, we gave you everything you ever dreamed of
Little by little, the wheels of your life have slowly fallen off
Little by little, you have to give it all in all your life
And all the time I just ask myself why you're really here ?

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Everybody's on the run

It feels weird to not be liking anyone.

I guess I got used to it.

The feeling of liking someone that is.

Pulse racing, heart jumping.

As well as the crushing depression of unrequited love.

A person could really get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.

But all is well.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Be Your Everything



I’ll be your shelter 
I’ll be your storm 
I’ll make you shiver 
I’ll keep you warm 
Whatever weather 
Well baby Im yours 
I’ll be your forever, Be your fling 
Baby I will be your everything

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Stop

Time to say goodbye.

Our roads are just too different.

I feel like perhaps I never really knew you.

Like there's still many sides of you that I don't know about.

But I guess everyone has stuff they don't wanna say.

That we were so close but somehow so far away.

And right now, you seem really happy.

You've moved forward, found better friends.

I guess I should to, since I'm already left behind.

I really miss having someone to lean against.

Having someone beside me to laugh and cry with.

Ever since you left, my life has been that much bleaker.

My bus rides are just that now. Bus rides, when they used to be the time of day I looked forward to the most.

When I see my face reflected in the bus windows, I see hollow eyes and lips clenched together in a straight line.

The warm flame that lifted my gloom is gone.

But I guess it's ok.

I have time to discover my genuine smile and laughter again.

Hey you,

Don't go catching some STD

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

-

I am deeply deeply disappointed.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

The death of you and me

Maybe it's really over for us.
The distance between us is unbearably painful.
At least it is for me, you probably don't care at all.

It was a relationship, a friendship that meant everything to me.
And now, I'm on the brink of giving up on it.

I don't want to be lied to.
I don't want to be told that I'm an important friend when it's obviously not true.
I have no idea if you actually mean it or you're just trying to convince yourself that I still mean something to you.

I can't feel anything.
You don't even tell me anything anymore.
We're like complete strangers.

I never wanted to be a friend where you just go and get drunk and smoke crap and have a good time with.

Not a fair weather friend.

I care, and I wish I could be there for you.
But you wouldn't let me anyway.

I screwed it up and wrecked it.
But I always thought that there is still something left.
That it could still be saved somehow.

Everyday, I hope a little bit less.

People say that when you hit rock bottom, the only way left to go is up.
That's already been disproved for me.
I lost the person I love the most,my best friend.

So what am I going to lose next ?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A normal day like every other

My birthday came and went away.
It was just a normal day after all.
My birthdays usually are.

Special occasions are only special when the special people make it special for you.

That's what I believe anyway.

Ok well something special did happen today.
I got my 1st penta-kill on league of legends.
Yay me.

And I had fish soup at FC6.
Usually it's meatball soup.

And yeah.
That's all for my birthday.

I wish you were here.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Broken Arrow

The 'interview' went ok.
Had a good chat with the guy.
He wants to see more of my work though.
I don't even know if I can find anything else presentable to show.

Deadline is in a week.
I might not make it in time to be able to get a company to intern at.
Also this flu and sore throat is not helping my mood.

I had a pretty good dream though.
There was somebody there.
This girl whose face completely disappeared from my mind the moment I woke up.

She nursed and cared for me.
She gave me warmth, told me stories about herself and listened to me.
And before I fell asleep, she told me that she'll be right there when I woke up.

Then I woke up, and nobody was there.
Just my blue walls and the sound of my fan.
Reminding me that I'm alone.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - AKA.. Broken Arrow



Leave me in peace I'm on the side of the angels
If I die in a dream then let me live my life
But all the lies they have told me
Make me wanna shiver
When I'm lost and I'm lonely
That's not gonna ease my troubled mind


Saturday, June 16, 2012

If I had a gun ?

I'd shoot a hole into the sun, and love would burn this city down for you.


Nah, I'll just shoot some people 1st then maybe myself.

Life has been .. normal-ish.

Wake up at 10, go to school, work until 7 or 8, go home, eat, game , shower, sleep.

Haven't really had time for much of anything else.

If it's not fyp it's some other assignment.

If it's not that then it's stressing out about internship.

Worrying if I'll even manage to get a place in a company somewhere to do something.

Compiling works, editing my showreel, writing e-mails.

Putting myself through Noel Gallagher therapy.

Listening to his music makes me feel like somebody understands.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - If I had a Gun



I'm waiting for the moment, for my heart to be unbroken by the sea

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

I'm alive


Why ?

Stop breaking me.

It's getting harder to put myself back together.

I'm tired.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to say.

Not like it matters.

So what if I had things to say, not like it would have affected you.

What do I have now.

Nothing.

I have no warmth.

No comfort.

No spirit.

Material comforts mean little.

At the end of the day.

All that's left is half of me.

A cold empty shell.

A skeleton barely there.

And tomorrow... I wake up again...

Skeletal fingers wishing for a warm hand to hold on to.

Everyday.

But there won't be one.

There never has been.

Forget it.

Screw it.

Why would I bother picking up my pieces just to let them be smashed again.

I won't be complete anyway.

Whatever.

I won't ever get what I need.

What's the point.

I'm not going to try anymore.


Friday, June 1, 2012

Stand By Me

The 2nd stage of FYP is over.

3 long days of waking up at 5.30 and leaving school at 8pm.

Now... temporarily enjoying life at home.

Lazing around, gaming, reading etc.

Diablo 3 isn't as good as expected.

Still good though, gameplay is very addictive.

And well, storyline has never been the Diablo series's strong point,

So yea, a bit of a break before the post production begins.

Hearing your voice was nice.

Even though I was kind of scared of what you would say.

I still miss you.

I wish I wouldn't.

Then I won't be so affected.

So that I wouldn't care so much that you're leaving again soon without telling me anything.

I really want to just not care.

You'd like me to not care as well right ?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Stand By Me



Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday
I've got a lot of things to learn
Said I would and I'll be leaving one day
Before my heart starts to burn

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new, don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Times are hard when things have got no meaning
I've found a key upon the floor
Maybe you and I will not believe in the things we find
Behind the door

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new, don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows
Yeah, nobody knows, the way it's gonna be

If you're leavin' will you take me with you?

I'm tired of talkin' on my phone
There is one thing I can never give you
My heart will never be your home

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new, don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows
Yeah, nobody knows, the way it's gonna be
The way it's gonna be, baby I can see, yeah

Don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows
Yeah, God only knows the way it's gonna be



Thursday, May 24, 2012

The difference between

"willing to"

and

"want to"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow, or later today is your graduation day.

It's also the 2nd day of filming for FYP.

What time does yours start ?

I don't even know.

Guess that's what happens when I only find things out in a roundabout way.

Kinda like, your birthday last year.

I only found out about your little gathering when people asked me if I was going.

Because it's pretty damn awkward when the people who were invited ask me if I'm going or not.

And I have to say no.

Why ?

There was no excuse I could have made.

Not invited. That's all.

Oh snap.

Being there on that day to make sure you got the present.

Knowing that just a few floors above me, you were smiling and laughing and enjoying the company of your friends.

While below, I kept trying to delay leaving the place hoping, wishing something would happen.

I waited and waited and finally forced myself to just go.

Just leave, 1 hour after it started.

Because up until the end and beyond, I still hoped.

'It's ok, probably just forgot'

I remember that feeling because I'm feeling it everyday.

Everyday since you came back.

Excitedly organizing meetups with your friends.

Catching up.

Giving out gifts and souvenirs.

Seeing all those mentions and tags of thanks on Facebook and Twitter.

No problem I thought, I'll just wait,

It'll be my turn soon.

It will.

Definitely.

It's been 6 weeks.

6 weeks of waking up everyday trying to be optimistic 'Today's definitely gonna be the day'

6 weeks of trying to convince myself that you didn't conveniently forget about me.

That you thought of me even just a little bit.

'It's ok, forget it.'

I tell myself that everyday hoping that one day I'll actually believe it.

Losing you still is the one thing I'm afraid of the most.

There's a reason why people always answer with 'I'm ok' even when they're not.

If I say I'm not ok, would anything change at all ?

I doubt so.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So what if I find out the time and place.

It's not like me being there will make any difference.

You'll still be surrounded by all your better friends.

I'll still just be standing at a corner trying not to feel like an old toy that you got tired of and threw away.

Even if you hate me, despise me, replace me, toss me aside.

I'll still love you just the same. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I don't want to hurt like this anymore.

I want so much to believe.

Believe that I mean something to the person most important to me.

I can't lose you.

I can't.





Friday, May 18, 2012

A Happy Day is...

The simple desire to talk and to be heard, and to confirm our present happiness.

-Hotaru No Hikari

It's a manga you told me about before.

Ages ago, in much happier times.

I just want to talk to you.

Yes, I always do.

But you know, it's depressing if that's the only reason you speak to me.

Talk to me if you really want to, not to placate me or something.

That feeling is gone.

When I see the way you tweet to all your friends.

I can feel it, a genuine wish to interact with them.

That enthusiasm, that eagerness.

And my lips twist into a bitter smile.

Please, pull me close and unfreeze me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The biggest presentation of my poly life is coming up.

It's FYP presentation.

And I'm nervy as fuck.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Everything I'm not

Those words that stung so much.

Those words that caused tears to well up.

Those tears that I barely managed to blink away.

'Fuck off, mind your own business'

Was that what it meant ?

Ok.

I never meant any harm, just concern.

I guess it doesn't matter.

I'm not a lot of things.

I'm not a best friend. Not anymore.

Haven't been for a long time.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Storyboard artist

Ah man so much shit going on now.

I thought everything was going smoothly enough for fyp.

And then suddenly, poof, scrap the story, start a new one from scratch.

Everything I've done so far, down the drain.

Everything we've done so far.

Basically redoing everything.

Proposals, scripts, storyboards.. every damn thing.

And as the storyboard artist, it gets really tiring.

Hours of work I put into drawing and I have to do it all again.

Of cos its not only me but...

It's getting so hard to keep up life now.

Everything's moving too fast.

And you're still so far out of my reach.

So many times I just want to flip tables.

Like just screw it all.

I just want to hug you, and rest my head on your shoulder for awhile.

For that warmth, that little bit of encouragement to go on.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the first time



Complete lyrics: http://www.directlyrics.com/the-script-for-the-first-time-lyrics.html But we're gonna start by
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying things we haven't for a while
A while, yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

Saturday, May 5, 2012

You

Make me happy.

It's just a simple fact of my life.

And you, let me taste every emotion out there.

But it is worth going through all the pain for those moments of happiness.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Sitting in silence

Words aren't needed as long as I'm with you.

But no.. I guess not.

Do I have to always just watch from a distance now ?



When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face

When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face

I promise you that I will learn from mistakes.
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Fade

Figuratively.

Running through the darkest thorniest woods searching for a sight of you.

Sinking in the bogs waiting for you to come and pull me out.

Will you bring me back to the light ?

Or will you just let me fade away.

I wish I could be close to you.

I wish I could be just lie in your warmth.

But every night, I'm just putting off sleep for as long as I can.

Wishing for a 'Hi'


Monday, April 23, 2012

Not angry.
Not sad.
Nothing.
Not anymore.

I can just tell myself 'Yeah I told you so.'
I knew all this time, that this is how it would become.

It's just a really bad joke.
But the joke is on me.
And I guess it is funny. In a way.

It's funny that I held on to a belief for so long.
Blind faith can only take me so far.
Until I finally choose to see the truth that's been slapping me in the face for the longest time.

It did hurt.
But after all those slaps.
The numbness takes over.

And that's what it's been like.
Living without feeling.

It's a cold cold world out there.
And what is life,
If the warmth you so desire is taken from you.
Again.
And again.

Is love really worth it ?

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Here without you

Serious shit is now going down in FYP.
I can actually see all my free time evaporating.
Finalizing the story is just the easy part.
There's still stuff like auditioning for actors,
getting locations,
props,
transportation and sponsorship.
Oh man, FYP is a real bitch.
It's only the 1st week of school and the pressure is so on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I met chee ian at the bus stop today lol.
Guy was taking 74 home to hougang cos feeling lazy and wants to sleep.
I can totally relate haha.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I miss you

3 Doors Down - Here without you



A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Unspoken answers

I can't help but think that...

Maybe I've already lost you.

Perhaps I'm the one who ruined it.

Seeing you smile.

It's painfully sweet.

And it's also painfully clear to me that I don't have a place.

There are many questions that I've always been too afraid to ask.

Because I'm just scared of what the answers may be.

But I have my answers now.

I just hope they're all wrong.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scattered about or thrown away
Even if all are destroyed, I thought it's alright
but, I was wrong
after experiencing sadness, I will live changed into someone kind
It is slow, but I'll learn to like the world
therefore..

I am me because I am here
Being myself, I'm searching for something
Eliminating all my vulnerabilities, the heat is painful
But, just for once, not blaming myself so hard
If I can move on, I'd come to love My World

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Answers to unspoken questions



Somewhere above the sky you didn't listen at all, did you?
You purposely overlook the sign that came to you.
See, we always understand each other perfectly... What a huge misunderstanding.
You don't even notice me standing right here, do you?

Mixed in the crowd all alone
I gaze at the sky without a purpose.
With this conversation game of catchball that won't reach
My loneliness grows.

Hey!! Hey!! Answer me. Is there anybody there?
No matter how much I search, there's no answer back.
Hey!! Hey!! Only I will make myself, so
Even if I cry, even if I smile, even if I hate, I'll live my life with love.
Hey! Hey! Samurai Heart

've lived my life expressionless, Day by Day, and today is no different, is it?
This is a town where you can't not fit in.
Ah, standing in the waves of people, I make sure of those repeating foot steps
And then I feel that maybe I can walk a bit more than before.

In the glass of the town I passed through
My lonely self reflected back
Along with my irritated self
And the indifferent world.

Hey!! Hey!! Answer me. Is there anybody there?
No matter how much I search, there's no answer back.
Hey!! Hey!! If only I will make myself
Then the true voice inside of me that doesn't think "Whatever" goes...

Hey!! Hey!! You can't live alone, can you?
If you throw away even your heart, you'll never fit in.
Hey!! Hey!! You don't need a reason to give up
Because even you can stand firm and live in this town.

Hey!! Hey!! Answer me. Is there anybody there?
No matter how much I search, there's no answer back.
Hey!! Hey!! Only I will make myself, so
Even if I cry, even if I smile, even if I hate, I'll live my life with love.
Hey! Hey! Samurai Heart


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I grow tired of trying to convince myself that everything is gonna be fine.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Just lose it

Sick to the stomach.

Nauseating.

Like being burned from the inside by ice cold flames.

If I can have an shut down switch to my life.

I would end it all now.

If I can just lose it.

Lose all my inhibitions, break free of all I chained myself to.

Get drunk, get high, get laid.

Smokes, drugs and alcohol.

Just lose it.

Just go crazy.

Just do whatever.

Friday, April 6, 2012

She's Electric

Same old same old.

Open a chat window on skype and proceed to not say anything until the the green fades from the icon beside her name.

I'm kind of surprised with myself.

I went to google 'how to get over somebody' today.

Then I realized its pretty useless. It's all just stuff that people have told me before.

What it all comes down to is my inability to let it go.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Half the world away



I would like to leave this city
This old town don't smell too pretty and
I can feel the warning signs running around my mind
And when I leave this island I'll book myself into a soul asylum
'Cause I can feel the warning signs running around my mind

So here I go, I'm still scratching around in the same old hole
My body feels young but my mind is very old
So what do you say?
You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway
Half the world away, half the world away
Half the world away
I've been lost I've been found but I don't feel down

And when I leave this planet
You know I'd stay but I just can't stand it and
I can feel the warning signs running around my mind
And if I could leave this spirit
I'll find me a hole and I will live in it and
I can feel the warning signs running around my mind

Here I go, I'm still scratching around in the same old hole
My body feels young but my mind is very old
So what do you say ?
You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway
Half the world away, half the world away
Half the world away
I've been lost I've been found but I don't feel down

No I don't feel down
No I don't feel down
I don't feel down
I don't feel down
Don't feel down
I don't feel down

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I guess no matter what, I'm just nothing compared to them huh.

Just can't do anything.

Maybe our happiness is mutually exclusive.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

If I had a super power

I would want the ability to shrink.

So I could fit in your pocket.

And be with you wherever you go.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Dream

Tonight I'm just chilling with a hot cup of tea and a piece of bread I got from Bread Talk hours and hours ago in the afternoon.

And tonight I'm missing you terribly.

The desire to hold you close to me is almost unbearable.

Then again I'm quite surprised at what I can bear sometimes.

Unbelievably gentle.

Unbelievably beautiful.

And playful and warm.

I want so much to see you.

Maybe just maybe in my dreams tonight, I'll get to.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Interlude

I got my results.

It was pretty much what I expected except for for that one 'D' grade. I thought I at least could avoid any Ds. other than that, 2 B+ 1 B and 2 C.

For a semester GPA of 2.38 and cumulative GPA of 2.05.

No fails which is great.

...

And there was crazy shit storm FYP grouping drama.

Basically the guy quit the combined fyp with cass and sb so he came to join our group. And after that some other group wants him as well so they try to convince him to jump ship and then there was like a tug o war and whatnot and I dont even know what happens and shit but whatever It's settled and that's that. hopefully.

The atmosphere in the class when the new AY starts is going to be damn horrible.

...

On the bright side.

I have DoTA 2. Fuck yeah.

Freakin awesome sauce.



And CNBLUE has a new mini-album on the way \o/

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CNBLUE - Still in love

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Slide away



Want you, need you so much right now.

What I would give to be close to you.

To feel the warmth of your body.

To taste your lips.

To hear your voice.

I'm always thinking of you.

I wonder where you are now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oasis - Slide away



Now that you're mine
We'll find a way
Of chasing the sun
Let me be the one that shines with you
In the morning when you don't know what to do
Two of a kind
We'll find a way
To do what we've done
Let me be the one that shines with you
And we can slide away.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Falling and falling and falling and falling







If I was a Star Wars character, this would be the time that I fall to the dark side.

This is the part where I don't give a single damn about what is right or wrong.

My feelings for you are not wrong.

Those little moments of warmth and comfort are worth going to hell for.

I miss you.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Body Heat

And the smell of honey.

They're already gone.

The spot on my bed you were lying on has already gone cold.

Those lips I've yearned for every waking moment, every dreaming moment.

The warmth and comfort of your body heat has already left.

And tonight I'm alone again.

It's hard to not be depressed.

There's still so much I wanted to say.

I don't know if I can ever feel the same way about someone else.

I'll never ever find someone like you again.

Salar De Uyuni



I saw this on tumblr. It's really amazing.

Apparently it's also called the border between heaven and earth.





Beautiful isn't it ?

The 1st thing I thought when I saw these pictures.

'I want to go to this place one day with you. With your small hand in mine. Gazing upon this marvel'

I can still feel your warmth lingering on me.

And I don't want it to go away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TRAX - Goodbye to romance



When I close my eyes, I faintly remember
The unforgettable memories of you and I
The past days of when we were together in the name of love, is now disappearing

I try to sleep with sighs again tonight but in my ears, a lonely voice lingers
I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal but I still only think of you

Can’t you leave me a bit slower?
Then you will be erased with no remains
But still, can you look back once in a while?
Even if it’s in a passing by dream

Even when I said goodbye, it was all a lie
There was already nothing remaining to me
The only thing that changed is love
I still miss you and still only think of you

Can’t you leave me a bit slower?
Then you will be erased with no remains
But still, can you look back once in a while?
Even if it’s in a passing by dream

What should I do? Even though I look and look at your picture, you have left
When time passes, everything will be forgotten like it was nothing
I will bury it in my heart

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Crazy

Call me crazy but

You are the only person I would ever consider being a backup plan for or a 2nd choice, 3rd choice, 4th choice.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is freakin epic I swear.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lullaby

I can't sleep.

So I'm watching that CNBLUE concert on Jasmine's blog.

There's so many songs that I've never heard before.

And also, I like the way they redid most of the songs in some way.

Minhyuk's song 'Star' is actually pretty good.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm really jelly.

You've never ever offered to sing me a lullaby.

It would be really nice, if I could fall asleep hearing your voice.

Eh well.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is it so difficult ?

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Grim

I guess I can't ever escape.

My dark desires, with you at the heart of each and every one.

Every damned time, I think I'm ready to face it.

And every damned time, I get thrown back down again.

I just can't handle it.

I really shouldn't have went. I couldn't enjoy myself at all.

Honorary mentions to Bryan for making my night more bearable.

Not when every other minute the topic of conversation is the one that keeps biting and gnawing away at me.

Slowly grating my tolerance away.

And it really sucks that my mind keeps going to places that I don't want it to go to.

I wish I could find some comfort, some peace, somewhere.

I wish I could talk to you. But I never know what to say.

I don't want to make things worse.

I don't know what the hell.

I don't know which way to go.

Where should I turn ?

What's the right direction ?

I'm just stumbling around in the dark.

I don't want to be alone, cloaked in my darkness.

It's scary.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Mellow

Enjoying my new guitar.



Rally Neo Sound semi-hollow body electric guitar in candy apple red.

Cost me $380 and so far I'm loving it.

It's really such a joy to play, feels good in my hands and easy to play.

And I still have $270 left over.

Contemplating if I should get a better amp or not.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm wondering if I should get a job ahhh I'm so lazy.

I just wanna laze my holidays away.

But I need to get out of the house more.

I've been a recluse for the past few days other than going out to take away food.

Ahhhhh somebody call me out to do something please.

Ok well I have to go to school for some talk tomorrow so I guess that counts.

Alright. Bed. Sleep. Goodnight.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The importance of being idle

There's always this time of the night, where no matter what, I'll just stop doing anything and think of her.

And I never actually realize its happening until it happens.

And I guess I don't actually dislike it.

When I think of her and I remember all the stuff we've been through.

The laughter and the tears and the warm fuzzy feelings.

But in the end the road ahead has already been decided.

"I need you"

"I can't stand being without you"

"I don't want you to leave"

"I don't want to let you go"

These are the words of a weak person.

"Because I love you"

Do these words change anything ?

Does love make a person weak or strong ?

Perhaps I've just been using this word 'Love' to cover up and make excuses for myself.

I've realised that I can live without her.

I can stand being away from her.

I can watch as she walks away from me into the arms of someone else.

I can do all that if I force myself to, even if it hurts so bad.

But I can't stop my heart from skipping that beat every time I see her or something related to her.

That whenever I'm at the bus stop or on the bus, I'm always looking out for that familiar figure. Always hoping that somehow she will be there.

" I love you "

But I won't use that as an excuse anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Valentine's day wasn't so bad.

I guess lots of bad things happened. Not to me but still it sucks.

At least I sort of went on a date.

A really sketchy 'sort of'.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey... is it too much of me to ask for another kiss ?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oasis - The importance of being idle



I sold my soul for the second time
'Cause the man don't pay me
I begged my landlord for some more time,
He said "Son, the bills are waiting"

My best friend called me the other night,
He said "Man, are you crazy?"
My girlfriend told me to get a life,
She said "Boy, you lazy"

But I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, if you give me a minute, a man's got a limit,
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it, he-heah

I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, give me a minute, a man's got a limit,
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it, he-heah

I lost my faith in the summer time
'Cause it don't stop raining
The sky all day is as black as night
But I'm not complaining

I begged my doctor for one more line,
He says "Son, words fail me"
It ain't no place to be killing time,
I guess I'm just lazy

I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, give me a minute, a man's got a limit,
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it, he-heah

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Let's start again

Playing basketball by myself today, I thought about a lot of stuff.

Thus causing me to miss 90% of my shots. /excuse

I thought about what was it that I wanted exactly.

And... I still don't know a lot of it.

But I want her to be happy. Her not him, he can die and I wouldn't give a damn.

To always be smiling beautifully.

I think if it's like that then I can be happy(er) too.

They say if you truly love someone, you can be happy for them.

I believe I can do that too.

So yea...

Start over.

Let's try this again.

Aftermath take 2. Let's go.

I don't wanna be a disappointment.

I can take it.

I can take it.

I can take it.

I can take it.

I can take it.

I won't be a jealous prick.

I won't be a jealous prick.

I won't be a jealous prick.

I'll just keep my head down, and do my own thing.

Get on with life.

It's not the end of the world.

As Huijun always tells me, "you'll find someone who you love and who loves you back one day"

And there's the noisy idiotic jcc bunch who are fun to hang out with from time to time.

There's Huijun and DT and sometimes maybe helmet too.

There's ZW and his infectious laughter.

There's my fellow perv-in-arms Bryan.

There's Haizul who I can always whatsapp.

I just wish perhaps we could talk more.

Before that day, I really really thought that we would never have spoken to each other ever again.

Then I would gradually disappear altogether from your memories.

There are these long periods that we never see or speak to each other and it gets really lonely.

But I guess that's just another selfish request.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yellowcard - Hang You Up



I get lost sometimes
Another year flies by
But I know if I try
Memories of the light in your eyes
Can take me back in time

It's hard to see you, we are older now
And when I find you, you just turn around
This is a black and white of you I found
I hang you up and then I pull you down
It's hard to see you we are older now
And when I find you, you just turn around
This is a black and white of you I found
I hang you up and then I pull you down
I hang you up and then I pull you down
I hang you up and then I pull you down

I don't hear music anymore
My ears are tired of all the pictures in the words
Cause you are in them...still

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Delirious

Whatever happened to the good day I promised myself.

How do I handle having what I can't have constantly being paraded in front of me ?

So what do I do when reality keeps slapping me in the face ?

That every time I want to take a step forward, the wind just wants to throw me back again.

Rock bottom gets lower every time. When you think things can't get any worse, they just do.

Yay.

I hate constantly having to pick myself off the ground.

Today I really just felt like casting out half the resolutions I made that day, throw them out the window.

Having sex without any emotions doesn't sound half bad at all right now.

In fact it sounds pretty damn good.

Who cares about falling deeper.

Not me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

/sigh

It really sucks, when a man can't fight for the one person he loves the most.

I really am the worst.

I am so selfish that I can't even find it in myself to wish for her to be happy with him.

I'm really such a lousy human being.

I'm sorry.

But I don't ever want to forget that taste and that warmth. Not ever.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It seems like that's just what I'm always saying. 'I'm sorry'

But I'm not done.

It's not over yet.

I have promises that I have to keep.

I'll get up again tomorrow.

And I'll fight these battles again tomorrow.

I might not win, but I'm not gonna lose either.

I guess that's because I'm one of those hopeless people that believes love will prevail in the end.

We'll see how that goes in the end.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noel Gallagher - Cast no shadow



Here's a thought for every man who tries to understand
What is in his hands
He walks along the open road of love and life
To find it if he can
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
As he faced the sun he cast no shadow

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Smile

and wave goodbye.

A special blend of bitterness , sadness and sweetness.

It's a funny funny feeling.

Maybe now.

Maybe now finally.

I can move forward again.

Run run run.

Don't look back.

Don't regret.

Don't be scared.

Don't be angry.

Don't cry.

Don't be sad.

It's time to grow up.

And I won't look back in anger.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have a new resolution.

I wanna be good at something.

I'm going to get into guitar seriously.

I don't really have anything else.

Is it too late to finally have an aspiration when I'm going to be 20 soon ?

Gonna save up for a decent mid-level electric and amp.

For myself, I'm going to stop wasting my life away.

Come on.

Let's do this shit.




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oasis - Don't look back in anger ( acoustic set )

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Let's Play


shitty drawing #6

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last 2 weeks of school.

Let's do this shit.

There's no going back now.

I'm just really really drained.

Every morning is a battle just to get out of bed.

I just wanna stay in.

Just be away from the world.

And just chill with a carton of soya bean milk.

But I don't think that's the right drink to drink for forgetting painful stuff.

At least it's healthy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I miss you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All Time Low - Poppin Champagne



Why don't you say so? I think I'm caught in between
The nights and days fly by when I'm lost on the streets
My eyes, they despise you for who I am
Why don't you say so? Why don't you say so?

Give up and let go, I'm just a boy with a dream
And you can take one look as I fall in between
With my eyes just as wide as my mouth can be
Why don't you say so? Why don't you say so?

Saturday, January 21, 2012

What's the story ?


-Salvation or Damnation-

shitty drawing #5

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi stranger.

You look really familiar.

I'm most certain I've seen you somewhere.

It could have been just yesterday.

Or maybe weeks or months ago.

But you are in so many of my memories.

'Friends'

I am pretty that's what we called each other all those weeks or months ago.

What of us now.

You look the same, sound the same. I'm pretty sure I do too.

Hey stranger, or should I say , friend ?

What's the matter ?

What's causing you pain ?

Why do I ask ?

I guess it's because I could be a tad concerned.

I know you don't need or want my concern in any way.

But still, I have to ask.

Hey stranger/friend.

I'm not exactly sure what to call you.

Which do you prefer ?

You look really happy these days.

Happier than the time when I called you 'friend' without a doubt.

But I wonder if you really are.

I wish you are but at the same time I wish you aren't.

Is that scumbag-ish of me ?

I really am sorry but it really is hard to decide just what I wish.

Because hey, I am hanging on to this tiny thread of hope.

A hope that maybe without me, you might not be as happy.

I guess it is probably really stupid to judge my self-worth based on how you think of me.

But I guess a me , a stranger won't be affecting your happiness in anyway.

'What is he rambling on about ? Stop wasting my time'

Is probably what you are thinking.

I'm sorry for taking up your time stranger.

Maybe we'll meet again one day.

When that day comes, please do remember me.

Don't let me fade away.

And maybe I will finally be saved.

See you around.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm seriously, seriously getting desperate.

No, not desperate for sex.

Desperately trying to find something, anything that can be salvaged.

Anything at all.

Desperately grasping at straws.

But from where I am, it really seems like we're on our last legs, ready to collapse at any moment.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Grass fields....


-Butterfly-

.....rainbows and butterflies.

That's what I need right now.

Today sucked.

Absolutely sucked.

At home... outside... every other damn thing.

I am this close to losing it.

This close to screaming the fuck at everyone who is contributing to my ire.

Everyday, it gets harder and harder to keep it together.

And there's no real way to deal with it.

All this rage and frustration.

I'm going crazy just trying to keep my sanity.

Fuck this.

Whatever.

Fuck it.

Fuck everything.

I don't give a flying fuck.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Incomplete

-Missing Piece-

Horrible drawings day 3.

That's supposed to be a missing jigsaw piece but wtf it looks nothing like it.

Looks more like some half-assed logo or some shit.

I have like no drawing skills.

Need to like die in a fire right now.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Stop Crying Your Heart Out

- Don't Fade Away -

2nd horrible drawing.

I guess I'm gonna do 1 everyday.

So the handful of you can see a horrible drawing everyday.

Maybe they'll be so bad that you guys won't ever visit again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out



Hold on, hold on, don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile, shine on
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cause all of the stars are fading away
Try not to worry you'll see them some day
Just take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

For the broken



It's only the times like these that I would ever feel like drawing anything.

Hey..

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Wonderwall

I am a well of contradictions.

Messed up. Screwed up. Whacked up. Kicked around. Broken.

I want to keep loving you. Do I have to keep tearing up myself ?

I want to see you. It's sweet bliss and fiery hell at the same time.

Conflict of head and heart never ends.

I'm in too deep and I can't get out.

Beyond salvation. Just end me now, my wonderwall.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oasis - Wonderwall



Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do, about you now

Back beat, the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do, about you now

And all the roads that lead you there are winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

Friday, January 6, 2012

Don't look back in anger

You know.

I have no idea what we are.

Perhaps we were just a catastrophe waiting to happen.

The paths we walked from a year ago and the paths we walked today were one and the same. But it's just so different now. It's scary.

I guess it's all my fault.

If only I didn't.

If only.

If only.

Countless 'If only's.

Smiles.

Laughter.

Words.

And comfort that we shared.

Where did it all go to ?

Drowning in a mire of regret.

"why are you sad ?"

"Because I can't understand our relationship. Sometimes I feel like we're friends, sometimes I feel like we're more than friends, but sometimes I feel like I'm just a stranger to you"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A song.

That resonated deep in me the instant I heard that chorus.

Oasis - Don't look back in anger



Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd never been
But all the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away

So I start a revolution from my bed
'Cause you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside, summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
'cause You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And so Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows, if it's night or day.
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a Rock 'n Roll band
and throw it all away

Gonna start the revolution from my bed
'Cause you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by.
her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say

And So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say

So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late and we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger
I heard you say

It's not today.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Catch My Dream

With all that's said and done.

There's one simple fact left.

"I am not good enough"

That's that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Going through open house hell right now.

Need to go school so freaking early.

And do manual labour if there is any.

We have new classrooms now.

It's kinda cool but damn freaking troublesome as well.

Basically the room is locked and inaccessible to people outside our course and lecturers.

And we can decorate our sections and stuff.

The downside is each group of 4 ppl have to share 1 key.

Which is stupid.

If you're not the key holder you'll have to knock the door and hope someone inside comes to your rescue.

They should just give everyone a key la.

But now I wonder if I even got time to do assignments even after a 1 week extension cos of the stupid open house.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RADWIMPS - おしゃかしゃま

Sunday, January 1, 2012

I wish that I..........

.............could only sing this in the rain
Cuz I know for sure that this'll make me cry again
I never imagined that this song was about a pain
But I'll try my best and I shall make it to the end

I wish that I could play the music that you'll like

I wish that I could play the role within your life
I wish that I could write the lyrics that you'll love
I wish that I could be the emblem of your love

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm just laughing at the irony now.

Seriously ?

Seriously ?

Seriously ?

Seriously ?

Just because.

Nothing has any meaning whatsoever.

So incredulous.

Oh well.

When all I needed then, were some friendly words.

Just a little bit of reassurance.

But ok.

Never mind that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 1 of 2012 was pretty OK.

I didn't go crazy at least.

Thanks Haizul for the call.

And thanks Hui Jun for always listening to me.

And that's all we have for honorary mentions.

Life is bearable. It's not great, but its bearable.

And maybe it'll get better.

Maybe.

Don't get any hopes up.

More often than not, hopes are dashed.

Like dropping an egg onto sharp jagged rocks.

weeeeeeee. crack. splat.

Gone.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CNBLUE - In My Head