Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happy Halloween

Kids outside screaming 'trick or treat'

Is halloween ever a big deal in Sg ? I don't think I've ever celebrated it in my entire life.

And it doesn't really mean anything to me.

Well the only occasion means anything is chinese new year cos I'm getting money. Hehehe


Yesterday was the daiko concert 'Summer Beats'

The performance was really good. Other than some really random k-pop dance segment.

I enjoyed the concert in spite of some annoyances.

The part when all the balloons came down was really cool.

And Zakie umchio-ed as expected haha.


Moving back 1 more day to Friday.

I went to peninsula to look at guitars.

I found one I liked right off the bat.

White semi-acoustic with a cutaway. $210.

I can't wait to go back and get it. Hoping my pay comes in without any hitches. Then I could go and get it on wednesday. Maybe maaaaaaaybe tuesday. Latest Friday probably.

Sad that it doesn't come with anything though. I may need to fork out for a bag.


Ok now. I need to write a story for an assignment. A story for a short action movie. 3 minutes. How do I go about it ? Hmmm.

Why no inspiration ?

Friday, October 28, 2011

Peter Parker

I think I can kind of understand this character now, better than ever.

Holding himself back from the love he so desires.

Always trying to do the right thing. Even so, being misunderstood.

Fighting even against overwhelming odds.

Even though he is just a fictional superhero. His force of will is amazing.

A real hero.

Perhaps I am now experiencing a mere fraction of what his life is like. Figuratively. No goblins, aliens and stuff here.

There are no superpowers at work here.

Somehow now, years after its release, I can understand what kind of pressure Peter parker was under in the 2nd movie.

And right now. I'm really really tired of everything that's going on. Of me, of her, her, him, him and many others.

A huge web of deceit.

From now on, I'm just going to do what I think is right.

Even if I'm tossed to aside.

I'm not going to just follow along this time.

I will do, what I think is right. Even if it turns out to be wrong. I will stand by what I believe in.

" Sometimes, in order to do the right thing, we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams "
- Aunt May

These feelings of mine. Make everything so much harder.

If only I could discard them, if only for the moment. Until this storm passes.

Until I can be fully honest with myself.

Until then, I'll live with it.

My secrets, my burdens.

I'm sorry.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I spy...

with my little asian eyes.

A pattern.

It's familiar.

It's happened before.

I'm dreading it.

Can I be heartless ?

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A Daydream Away

You're just a daydream away

Wouldn't know what to say if I had you

And I'll keep you a daydream away

Just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose




Today got Indian festival.

So I stay home all day.

I slept a ton which is good.

I reached home around 9 yesterday and I just crashed. Woke up at 1.

Crashed again at 4. And woke up at 1pm today.

Sleep on the bus, sleep in class, sleep at random places.

But just can't fall asleep when it's time to.

My sleeping problems are puzzling.

Today has been ok so far. Other then having diarrhea on and off.

Lucky I didn't finish those pills the last time.

Nothing productive done at all today, which is just how I like my holidays to be.

This sort of life is really surreal in a way.

Nobody and nothing.

Just me and my daydreams.

But even in them, the feeling is suffocating.

My contradictions.

My wish to be alone yet not alone.

Knowing loneliness to be able to truly treasure someone.

Feeling this cold to be able to truly experience warmth.


Keep me warm.


SID - Binetsu

Monday, October 24, 2011

You know.

Sometimes it just feels like I'm an existence that could be just be thrown aside easily.

With nothing to say.

Grabbing around trying to find the right words.

But then it doesn't matter.

Because I just don't matter.

Saying anything. Or not saying anything. There is no difference.

There's always people who will mean more than me.

If this was a contest. I won't be in it.

Why compete knowing that I won't come out of it with anything.

There is no point.

But life goes on.

Whether I'm in yours or not.

I have no significance in it.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


I met an old friend on the bus today. He cut his hair so I couldn't recognize him. He whacked me to get my attention though.

We didn't get to exchange anything other than waves since he was with his friends and I was by myself.

But that's ok. A slight smile and a friendly wave is enough. Our mutual understanding.

Made my day that bit better.


Stars - Calendar Girl

This is a song that a classmate shared in class when we were asked to share a video of something that we would like to learn or inspires us.

The typography is cool and all. But this is just a really good song in my opinion.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


I really feel like some loser right now.

I can't solve anything.

Or help anyone.

In me trying. I've probably done way more harm than good.

What is right ? What is wrong ?

Did it matter at all ?

Was I just to pretend and act like everything is ok ?

Would that have been the right choice ? Then there would not have been so much disappointment.

Was I wrong ? For something that was teetering in the balance. In doing so, I probably betrayed them both.

Watching the tears. I couldn't even stretch out a hand.

I couldn't do anything. Anything at all.

For the friend I hold so dear.

I just made things worst.

As usual.

I wish that I could be able to express myself more adequately.

Maybe things would be better.

I don't know. I'm afraid.

In the end, I'm still just an observer. I cannot affect anything.

I just.

I'm just getting further and further and further away. I can't get through.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Like the birds

Spent the last day of holidays at home reading pokemon manga.

Now wondering If I should get buy ZW's DS. Then I'll be able to buy other stuff too. But still, gotta wait for pay to come in.

For Pokemon !

Today the 1st day of the new semester. Also the last semester for the 2009 spjcc batch except for me and maybe eric.

I didn't bring anything but a water bottle and my hoodie. Thank goodness for the hoodie. Went to clubroom during break to pick up the new club shirt. Gotta admit it's really good. I was kinda apprehensive as to how well the design would transfer onto the shirt. But all is well.

The crazy 4 hour lesson ended early so I'm thankful for that. Went home to catch up on sleep seeing as I only managed to fall asleep at 5am or thereabouts.

And now I'm drinking tea which pretty much guarantees me not being able to sleep for quite some time. Good thing 1st class tomorrow is cancelled. So I only actually start at 2pm. Pretty sweet for a 2nd day back.

FT Island - Like the Birds

As I look at the birds flying
I want to follow them and fly as well
Freely underneath the blue sky
I want to follow them

I want to fly in the sky today
I want to touch the clouds
Uh yes I wanna touch the cloud
Because they are lower than the sky
If only if the tips of my fingers can touch the tip of the cloud

Even if I want to leave this stuffy city
I cannot go

Saturday, October 15, 2011


Like a recurring nightmare.

Staring at myself in the mirror. Those glaring eyes. Smoldering.

That wish I never got. Why does he have it.

And why does it affect me so.

Seeing it once wasn't enough ? That I had to dream it a few times more.

Why. Months it took me. Had it in a few days.

Is that the difference between us ?

I cannot fucking live this down.


Spitting fire. Spewing venom.

At this point now. I don't care what it is. I want power.

I am sick of always being powerless, always watching from some far-off corner.

No matter how unholy and vile it is.

I want to exact my vengeance.

Feel the pain that I do.


Wednesday, October 12, 2011


And even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious

If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious !

Was feeling pretty awesome at the start of the day cos successfully registered my gem of choice.

Personal Financial Planning. Haha, shall see if it helps.

Then finally seeing some money in my bank account but spending like half of it finishing up my deck. Shall not touch the rest of it.

Pretty good day so far.

Being able to use twitter on the go is so much fun. Drains battery pretty quickly though.

Being bored at home at night. Watched some DoTA, read some manga. Stoned.

Like damn emo la, never talk to anybody.

Don't feel like sleeping also. Screw work lah, I wanna enjoy my last week. Using time to come up with some cock & bull excuses to get out of it.

Oh and like everybody has a DS now, I wanna get one of my own too.

But there's so much stuff I wanna get, even with my salary I think it's still short by quite a bit, which is rather frustrating.

My original plans involved having at least $150 left over after buying all the stuff I wanted, now another item has been added to the list lol. Sucks ah.

And I haven't played DoTA in days. I think I'm getting really rusty. Ganking skills rusty, juking skills rusty, farming skills also rusty =(

I guess that's just the way it is. Friends busy with FYP and stuff or playing that dota imitation game called.


All of a sudden like. Kinda emo haha.

Crazy stuff happening recently. Never would have thought things would happen in this way.

Must be having a really tough time huh.

And my mood like just died.

Thinking of a person. Wondering how she's doing. Does me not being in her life affect her at all ?

Dunno why I suddenly thought about her.

She's not supposed to be relevant to me anymore. Well.

I hope she's happy and doing well.


Thursday, October 6, 2011

Nearing the end

Just a few more days of work. It's probably over by Thursday next week. Doubt they will really wanna keep me anyway lol.

Yeah well, timetable's not out yet. Why the hell they so slow about it.

Also, gems registration next week. Probably will miss slots cos of work. Whatever lah, hope I can get some slack business gems. I don't think I really care what I get anyway. Just wanna finish all the stupid gems.

And hopefully I will get to enjoy the last few days of this holidays. The last 3 days, hope no stress ah.

Hope the salary thing gets resolved soon. Talked to the manager about it. She said she'll call the office and get back to me on Thursday. I'll have to talk to her about it again after work though.


Today I woke up at 2pm. I was going to go out to get macs but it started raining really heavily. It stopped pretty soon but somehow I still managed to get there in time for the last few minutes of mcvalue lunch. Lucky.

Had cravings for bubble tea but thankfully got no outlet anywhere near me.

Alright, gotta sleep soon.