Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Hunger Pangs

Its almost 4 in the morning.

I'm still up because I can't sleep on an empty stomach.

I didn't get any dinner.

I tried to sleep but urgh, Just can't.

So now I'm waiting for my macs to arrive. My juicy tender mcspicy, slightly soggy large fries, orange juice... ahhhhhhh. I'm like drooling just thinking about it.

Ah anyway. Prata plan earlier was a fail. The chicken rice was so dry omg I can't take it, thankfully huixian ate it in my stead.

Ate Fruitare ( I think thats how its spelt ) ice-cream at the bus stop. Staring at the white board.

I think its funny how we hate looking at our own ugly mugs lol.


Half-heartedly trying to look for a part-time job.

Argh its so.. grr don't even know how to describe arghgragaragaragragra asdfghjkl

What would be a suitable job for me I wonder...

And the answer comes to me. Sitting in front of a computer.

Kay. Food is here, time to eat.


Monday, August 29, 2011


I so bored.

Found a new game to revive my PSP with.

Its called Legend of Heroes : Trail to the Sky.

That graphic style is exactly what I like the most in an RPG. Little block people walking around slaying monsters.

The female protagonist is noisy and annoying though. =/

Which is a downside but I suppose its good for story progression.

And they say some seriously awkward and embarrassing things sometimes. Not to mention some seriously Captain Obvious remarks.

Makes me groan.

But I think its pretty good so far.

Onwards !

To the random musings.

I had porridge for dinner. It wasn't very good. Mainly cos it was a meatless meal. Other than eggs.

Need to go out and pay my bills tomorrow.

And I feel like going to eat prata tomorrow.

Man Utd beat Arsenal 8-2



I need a purpose.

Oh I also wanna go Sunshine Plaza and eat the Curry puff again. As well as try the Chicken Pie. Expensive but sooooooooo good.

And I want to eat Bedok BCM.

Wanna eat so many things. But they're not very accessible =(


And sometimes I wonder about Sam too. Is she happier now since I'm bothering her anymore. Ever since I stopped talking to her, she hasn't said a word to me as well.

I guess I kind of miss those times. But then no. It was just me trying to get her to respond. Talking to the wall I suppose.

Oh well. What's over is over. She just didn't like me, or cared about me all that much. If I had continued, there would have been nothing left but bitterness.

As it is now. I guess we're barely friends, more like acquaintances. And we'll probably stay that way.

Thursday, August 25, 2011


My existence.

I am so stress free. But then I'm not exactly happy. But I'm not exactly unhappy either.


The current state of mind now is weirdly thinking and not thinking , aware and unaware , feeling and unfeeling.

Like stuck in a limbo.

Kinda have a bit of a headache now.

While questioning my existence. I like solitude, but in it I don't feel like a living person.

So I wonder what is it that I actually like.

So... what I'm like confusing myself now.

Losing track of things.

When each day blurs into the next.

When... what was I thinking again ?

Thoughts coming and going.

I think this post is gonna just a random jumble of sentences without any meaning whatsoever.

Okay so after 1 sentence every few minutes. I think I'm just lonely now lol, for lack of any friendly contact in days.

Not that I haven't been out and about and talking to people. Just not the same arh.

Days that seem an eternity but end in a flash.

Fade to black and suddenly its 2 in the afternoon.

Why am I so out of it all of a sudden urrrrrgh.

Woke up so late but feeling kinda sleepy.

Can't focus. Blur blur blur blur blur blur stoned stoned stoned.

Is this what it feels like to be out of whack when a person is overloaded on drugs ?

But I'm not on drugs wtf. Maybe high on Nasi Lemak or something.

So what did I eat today. Umm so random ah z ... some mushroom chicken puff for teatime cos I woke up too late for breakfast and lunch and then Nasi lemak for dinner. Oh and Lychee Milk tea. Weird combination but I like it.

This is really turning out to be a random jumble of thoughts and musings.

BTW I'm not being emo. Actually I dunno what I'm being. I guess random would be a good answer. Randomly stupid more like.

Oh and I realise I haven't heard any laughter since Sunday.

I'd like to hear all my friends' really weird and unique laughter.

Actually thinking about it there's just HX's 'toss head back and laugh loudly' laugh. Oh and Zhen Wei's weird laugh that I have no idea how the hell I am supposed to come up with a description for.

Actually I just want to hear my friends laugh and see their bright/demonic/sadistic smiles.

Actually I think my smile is the most demonic.

And actually there are too many 'actually' in this blog post.

I'm up to 'Kimi Ni Todoke' chapter 34.

That manga is totally sweet and awkward and will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever happen except in Magical Christmas Land. And even there its kind of a long shot.

And 'Welcome to the NHK' chapter 21.

Now this manga is absolutely mind-bogglingly ridiculous. I dunno whether I should laugh or cry in exasperation reading this. Credits to the Japanese for coming up with such a goldmine of a garbage concept that kinda sorta makes sense but is still absolutely retarded.

Like a what what what ?

Boom boom tap. Boom boom tap.

One time. One time.

I get it now. NHK mindfucked me so I'm in this screwed up state of mind bla lol.

blabber yadder dabber.


scooby dooby doo.

K I'm getting too retarded.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Lost in dreams

Had a fun chat with magikarp yesterday where our messages got randomly eaten by Facebook.
Om nom nom.

Talking bout random things. Like Natsumatsuri which was boring and DoTA ( LOL WTF IKR )

Apparently she's been working on that song I gave up on writing.

That little chat made me feel better. Although I wasn't really feeling down or anything before.

Really one of a kind huh.

But I was able to sleep well.

Anyway. I realised that I haven't really talked to anyone while I was hikikomori-ing for the past week. Other than skype with the guys while DoTA-ing.

So. I want to try reaching out and talking to my best friends more often.

And I wonder, if they miss me like I miss them. If they think of me like I think of them.

And I'd like to see them more often if fate allows it.


CNBLUE - Thank You

I really love this song

You smile, you smile looking at me
I’m thankful for that smile of yours
Even if you don’t tell me that you love me, I can feel it
I am just thankful for this love you give me

You tell me, You tell me looking at me
I’m thankful for that one word of yours
Even if you don’t express that you love, I can feel it
I am just thankful for this love you give me

Friday, August 19, 2011

Gotta get down on..


Everything's been submitted. Done and dusted. Just wait for the shitty results to come back to me and hope I don't fail.

After submission today. Met Narimah, Stanley and Moritz along with their group of Jap students. Hung with them for a little bit before going home with a Subway foot long sandwich.

Snoozed until 7. Got up to watch DoTA 2.

So far DoTA 2 has been absolutely sweet. Everything looks awesome. Interface in clean. Graphics are and skill animations are clear. Most importantly PoTM looks awesome. Actually everything looks awesome. The only downside is that Storm isn't a panda anymore.

Some really unexpected things have happened in the tournament so far.
MYM got stomped by M5 and Scythe, moving them down to the loser's bracket. They're doing worse than I expected them to.

However. Scythe.SG after a horrendous 1st game has turned it around. They're now in the finals of the winner's bracket.


Tomorrow is Natsumatsuri. I kinda don't really feel like going now. See how tomorrow ah.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Chess Piece

I am almost done. Just a little bit more until the main thing is finished. Then I can leave it overnight to render. And then finish up report and miscellaneous stuff tomorrow. Submission on Friday and I'm officially free.


I dunno why, but suddenly I feel like I want to lots of things.

Like uhh, I wanna write a story and turn it into a manga. Heck I even drew out the main character earlier today.

So far, it's about a teenage boy who almost dies in a car accident. While unconscious, his will to live on attracted a snide, rude, sarcastic but benevolent demon. He makes a contract with said demon to live on. He is given demonic abilities and forced to fight for the demon.


Something like that. I think there could be a lot more to improve on concept-wise though.

And I'm not too good at drawing action scenes.

Oh. And I'm not too good at drawing females.



Good luck to everyone taking exams.


Sunday, August 14, 2011


It's a lazy lazy Sunday.

And I have 1 last assignment to finish.

And I'm doing nothing. YAY.

Just surfing the net randomly. Spamming twitter.

DoTA 2 screenshots !!!!

So excited omg nerdgasm.

Faster more screens plzzz.



zomg so excited can't wait for it to be released.


So apparently someone read my tarots for me.

The Fool. Hanged Man. Devil Inversed.

Sounds so scary lol.

Turns out its not so bad after all.

This tarots thing reminds me of Persona 3.

So. I'm a wild card.



This determined heart that says to "scream"
The uncertain words that say "see you"
Hoping that I won't lose it, that I won't forget

Friday, August 12, 2011

Never regret anything

Because at one point, it was exactly what you wanted.

I have uncountable regrets.
What I desired all those times, were they wrong ?
Were they exactly what I wanted ?
I lied to myself that they were exactly what I wanted in some cases.

But if I did otherwise, would things be any better ?
Or would things just get worse ?

It's something that I'll never know.

Can I be faulted for taking the safe route as compared to the risky route ?

Or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that I did what I did not for the sake of myself but for the happiness of others. That I'm not such a selfish person.

Ahh, I'm like so hopeless.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Exhaustion Point

From Tuesday night to now my total hours of sleep < 8 including short naps in class and naps on the bus and also short naps when I reach home.

Its a pretty stupid cycle. Stay up all night to do assignments in the hopes of being able to sleep properly the following night. And then realising I fucked up so badly so now I have to stay up another night to redo all this shit. Fucking hell.

And tomorrow is another day where I have to run all over the fucking country collecting stuff for assignments. Seriously annoying dammit.


I can't wait for tomorrow to end. Then I'm going to sleep and not step out of home until the next week.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I've been watching this one anime.
I guess one could say its one of those mainstream battle anime. And I guess it is.
It's really really similar to Naruto. Except less draggy.
Or I hope it turns out to be less draggy.

Ao no Exorcist.

About a teenager who unwilling turns out to be the son of Satan.

Like naruto, he's the host of a power he can't control. And even though he doesn't mean to, he ends up hurting those around him.

But it turns out he can't control it because he's afraid of it.

And I think. Isn't that so like us ?

Because we're afraid of ourselves. We lose it sometimes, doing or saying some really bad things even though we never meant to. I think its just like our own defense mechanism, we're scared of being hurt... so we strike out 1st.

And it always turns out bad. The regrets, the guilt, the anger that we feel at ourselves that comes after the storm clears.

I feel that this is something that will never ever completely go away. There's always some stuff that happens that shakes us up, sows the seeds of doubt, eat away at us from the inside and its really scary... the stuff that we're capable of when we're so afraid that you can just lose it completely.

Ah Well. Enough of the ominous stuff.

We had a bbq at Darren Toh's place today to celebrate ZW's birthday.

The food was pretty good and I had a lot of fun. Hope everyone did as well.

Its the times like these that makes me feel like I can have good friends around even after HX graduates.

I guess that would be one of the things I was most afraid of.. like what would happen when my best friends are all out of poly.

Imagining it, it would be just me, going through all the motions of school. Drifting through , just existing.

But then, I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen now.

Things will be fine.


In My World - ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D

Dark side in my heart is
The unerasable sadness of the past
It's alright if I don't really mean it
So I fire my blasters and stretch out my hand

Since when has my way been unavoidable like this ?
And now there's so one left

Damm this destiny
I cry for my pride, I can't bear it

Ah Ah Ah alone in my world
An aria of love resounding through
This distorted reality of twisted prayers
My dreams and tomorrow are collapsing
Because throwing away the lies would be boring.
Good bye precious life.

Go and repaint this destiny
Try it for your pride, covered in wounds

Ah Ah Ah alone in my world
Even so, I sing the song of love and
Let its wish reach through this distorted world
To build our bonds and the tomorrow to come
Throwing away the lies was important after all
Because this is my precious life

Dark cloud in my heart is
Disappearing and light is shining on the road I'm on
Let's fight, there's no fear
I brandished my two-edged sword.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Observer Mode


The upcoming week's gonna be stressful. 3 Deadlines I think it was.

Aiyaiyai. Tsk annoying.

Got the feeling I'll get like all Cs and Ds again.

Hmm... I wonder what everyone's from today's doing now, what they're thinking now.

I dunno maybe its just me but, everyone else's life seems so much more interesting than yours when you're cooped up in your room huddled in front of your laptop doing nothing productive.

And well, I kinda dunno why people wanna come to my place. Not that I mind. Okay I mind if its when my parents are around. I don't want awkward questions being asked.

But there's kinda like nothing to do here.

I wonder what we'll do if I really invite people over.


CNBLUE - Imagine

Cool effects at the start.
I think this song is so cute lol.
I wanna learn this song but I can't find chords anywhere. And I can't see the chords they're playing.


Thursday, August 4, 2011


The 74 I took today broke down near SIM. Good thing there was a 52 right behind it.

Oh well.

I'm tired. Mentally, not physically. I don't know.

It's like I just want to close my eyes and lose myself in nothing, but my body won't let me KO.

Oh. I think I've more or less recovered from my illness, just a little bit of flu left.

I just had a really really heavy dinner so I'm totally bloated and lazy right now.

I wanna like flop on my bed like a dead fish and not do anything but unfortunately that's out of the question.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Money Money Money

Sian arh, everything also need to spend money. Do assignments also need to spend money. Damn frustrating leh.

Like every school year throw away $100++ on assignments zzzzz.

Buy this buy that, run here run there, print this print that. WTF lah.



Try so hard to save money then ends up I have to blow it all on buying materials, printing things for freaking assignment.

Freaking DMP, that whatchamacallitboard cost $20+. Gotta be fcking kidding me.



Bad mood.