Saturday, April 30, 2011

Out of place. Out of sight. Out of mind. - Sanatorium -

So I'm the extra now eh ?
Time to get used to it.
Nothing to complain about.
This is what I wanted.

風立ちぬ、甘い屑が数えきれず散らかりそう。



Plastic Tree - Sanatorium





神様に嘘をついて、引き換えにさ、何もらったの?
指の隙間滑り落ちたのは、いつの日のことでしょう。

Friday, April 29, 2011

Laugh

Today has been a long long day. Stayed in school from 8am - 8pm. Freakin 12 hours.
Lessons were pretty ok, learnt some interesting stuff.

Went to help out with the SPJCC booth after classes. Was ok I guess, lots of sorta 'weird' people coming up.

Then went to clubroom to finish up proposal. Turns out we screwed up a bit and have to do another to submit next week.

Laughed a lot with Zhen Wei. He sort of reminds me of JQ, they both have very infectious laughter.

And then off to the meeting. 1st official meeting of committee 2011/2012 chaired by Zhen Wei and I. Was sort of chaotic. With lots of people trying to talk at the same time.

I think it went ok. Need to control the noise level more though. Got stuff done.

Then 74 home with HX and Emmie ( no lao pa to fetch this time xDDDD ).

They were talking about horror movies until Emmie got off. Damn I absolutely cannot stand horror movies.

Hmmm... the bus rides seem like they're getting shorter... and time seems like its going faster. In the blink of an eye, 12 hours went by just like that.

Gotta look forward to tomorrow. Going to visit Haizul @ Uniqlo.



Sometimes, there's nothing to do but to smile, laugh it off, and keep going.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Screwed

I swore to myself it wouldn't happen. It can never happen and it WILL NOT happen. But it happened anyway.

I'm so so so so so so so screwed.

It's so damn painful. And now that what I swore to myself wouldn't happen , can never happen and WILL NOT happen.

Well, now I have to deal with.

All. By. Myself.

Life is good.

Cheers.

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I don't know whats going on.

I'm happy, or I should be happy. OR I thought I'll be happy. But then .. not really.

As I stepped off the bus... I dunno, but it's like I was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness. Cold and nauseating.

It.. kind of feels like ... I'm being replaced.

hmmm.......

I should disappear for a bit.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Ballads

Are my favourite type of music.

Even though I can't understand what the songs mean without looking them up, I can feel the emotions emanating from every verse. It sings exactly what I feel.

Much has been happening recently. They be good or bad depending on perspective. Me ? I think its mostly a good thing, but I have my own misgivings as I always do. Can't shake off this ominous feeling.

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It's taken me long enough, but I think I've mostly gotten over her.

Yay me.

It's only the 1st week of school but I get so tired when I reach home nowadays. And the frequent bouts of insomnia aren't helping.

I can't believe it actually takes me 2+ hours to fall asleep sometimes.

I just lie on the bed thinking of whatever. You me he she her him this that. blablabla.

It's just kinda sad, that I keep seeing the 'downside' of things happening that are supposed to be good. I guess its a downside to me, and not really anyone else.

God. This is some messed up shit.


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I'm Still Here

From one of my favourite movies ever. Disney's ( I think ) Treasure Planet, a futurized adaptation of Treasure Island. Probably one of the most under-appreciated movies ever.



I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.
All a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway…
You don't know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man..
You can take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
The don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here.

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.

They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
And the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And their words are just whispers
And lies that I’ll never believe.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can they say I never change
They’re the ones that stay the same.
I’m the one now,
‘Cause I’m still here.

I’m the one,
‘Cause I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

My Colours

I am Red/White



SID - Hoshi no Miyako




Someone said to do it a handful at a time, and I think that's not wholly a lie either
Both the strength to seize that handful and the weakness to let it go; that's right

It's up to you, it's up to you; making the wrong guess is a splendid talent too
When you feel like seeing the continuation of your dreams, remember these are times when you'll always be forgiven

A wonderful STYLE that's uniquely you


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I am so hungry right now ._.

Honestly

I can't wait for school to start. It'll be tiring and whatnot, but It'll give me less time to let my mind wander.

Come on, gotta concentrate, gotta buck up. Heck the little details !

Gotta get my grades up. RAWR

Well, I hope the upcoming academic year, will be filled with fun , joy and laughter even through all the stress we have to go through.

This will be my resolutions :
1) To be determined enough to do everything with 100%.
2) To not cut class
3) Become a good vice-president. To not let HuiXian, Haizul and JiaQing down for everything they've done for the club. Be a VP that they can be proud of.
4) Spend more time on my guitar
5) Save money
6) Not do anything insanely stupid ( like confessing via a song )


This is it, I can't afford to screw up again.

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It's her birthday on Sunday.

What can I do ? What will I do ?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I promised myself I would stop chasing.

It would be so much easier if she told me 'I hate you'

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People have their troubles.
Compared to some, mine seem so so very mundane.

I would never want to be put in her position. EVER
Even so, I want to help. But I have no idea how to.

This would be one of those times when I feel really really helpless and useless.

Bluer than indigo Our hearts, hearts, hearts
For a replacement of our tears we search, search, search
Flowing away, into gold the sky changes, changes, changes
We can't see the heart with our eyes, we laugh, laugh, laugh


Bluer than indigo Our hearts, hearts, hearts
For a replacement of our tears we search, search, search
The world that I saw while kissing spins, spins, spins
As we fall into the swirling sky we melt, melt, melt


Plastic Tree - Ai Yori Aoku

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What I want the most.... I don't even know what I want anymore.
Ahh.. why am I so indecisive...

My heart.. is like a wanderer. Forever searching for a place to settle down.
It made a pit stop for awhile, but it decided that it's time to start moving again.
Perhaps it'll never find a place to settle down and end its journey for good.


..........

Time to sleep.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Just Saying

When I said I give up, I don't mean that I don't love her anymore, I'm just not going to be the one doing the chasing anymore.

For the past 10 months, that's all I've been doing, chasing after her. Looking back, these past 10 months have been the hardest in my life so far. Going to hell and back a few times in my heart and mind. Frustration almost boiling over at times. It's like a savage demon within me, raging, snarling, pacing back and forth, ready to lash out anyone without warning. Good thing I was alone those times.

The feelings of dread and numbness I'll never forget.

But I guess that's just the way it is. She just doesn't like me that way, and I pretty much can't do a single thing about it.

So i'm gonna do her a favour and do myself a favour by stepping out of this track and give up the chase. She'll be happy I'm not pestering her anymore and I won't be torturing myself anymore.

This is for the best. I hope.

What then ? Maybe I'll stop loving her, who knows...


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It's the same old story.
Of a boy who meets a girl.
He falls in love.
But of course, it's one sided.
He tries his utmost,
She never seems to notice.
The generic love story plot.

The coloured sky,
Mirror the colours of the heart.
The fiery passion of red,
rival the ice cold rejection of blue.
The warmth from his fire,
unable to melt her barrier of ice.

Colours of the heart,
spin in our souls.
Around and around,
as I think of you.
Everything that we could be.
Everything that we will never be.

The vibrant colours of the heart,
the pure emotions that we feel.
The demon within us,
twists and defiles them.
Resentment. Jealousy. Selfishness. Doubt.
Rise from love, protectiveness and trust.

The angel in each of us,
battles the demon.
Keeping the colours from ever being truly contaminated.
Keeping our emotions from ever being completely ruined.
That even when things don't work out.
We will not succumb to the personal demons,
that exist within all of us.
So that no matter what,
We can stay true to ourselves,
And continue to love.


-Colours of the Heart-

Ng Ming Woon
14th April 2011
3.30 AM

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

All that I am.

Feel's pretty shitty.

Guess I'm just unwanted goods huh.

Couldn't even leave me an answer of whether we're taking gems together again. Gems isn't the issue, why couldn't you just drop me a message to say no. Do I always have to be the one asking ?

I've been wasting my time, seems like I don't mean much to you anyway, if I mean anything at all.

Fuck that seriously. It's like I'm just a pest that's forever buzzing around your head being an annoyance.

Screw that.

Whatever ok, I give up.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

A night where you can sleep

Entering the last week of holidays. It's been long, but it seems like it flew by.
Staying up late, waking up late.
Seems like I didn't really do much at all. Other than catching up on sleep that I missed during term time.

And even then, I can never really get to sleep properly. I'd go bed at 3 in the morning but I just toss around until like 4 or 5 thinking about stuff...

What a bother.

No more heartwarming YongSeo couple to make me happy. =(

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All options are bad.

All roads lead nowhere.


Matenrou Opera - Nemureru no Yoru




Please don’t cry for me, people who know sadness.
Please sleep for me, people who know pain.
The night wraps around the world, and it wraps all around you.
Leave it to me, because I will forgive everything about you.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Continuation

School's gonna start in a bit more than 2 weeks. And I'm kinda getting nervous. Hope I can get by alright with my shaky foundation.

Aiya, so many things to worry about. Worry about timetable, worry about gems, worry about club yadayadayada.

Jeez, hope I can get a decent timetable again like 2nd semester last year. Though I kinda doubt it, year 2 is probably gonna get much more hectic and demanding.

Speaking of gems.... headache arh. I kinda wanna take gems with her again. No.. not kinda, really want to actually. Haha , guess I got kinda lucky last semester. Can I count on my lucky stars again maybe ?

Hope so.

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MW's music talk.
iTunes top 25 :

1) Crying Rain - Girugamesh
2) 처음 사랑하는 연인들을 위해 (반말송) - Jung YongHwa
3) Over the Rain - Flumpool
4) I'm a Loner - CNBLUE
5) Paper Plane - Plastic Tree
6) Mirai Iro - Plastic Tree
7) Hero / Heroine - Boys Like Girls
8) Haruka - GreeeeN
9) Intuition - CNBLUE
10) LOVE - CNBLUE
11) Makka Na Ito - Plastic Tree
12) Hate red, Dip it - Plastic Tree
13) Replay - Plastic Tree
14) Sympathy - SID
15) Dear Tokyo - SID
16) Thunder - Boys Like Girls
17) Shinkirou - Alice Nine
18) Holiday - Boys Like Girls
19) Tongue Tied - Faber Drive
20) Pledge - the GazettE
21) Sun Wu Kong - MayDay
22) Harusaki Sentimental - Plastic Tree
23) LOVE GIRL - CNBLUE
24) Sleepless Nights - Faber Drive
25) Vision - Girugamesh

<3 J-rock and CNBLUE

Losing faith in mainstream english music. There's like nothing nowadays that really gets my attention and makes me really want to listen and sing along.

Ah, I still liked 3 years ago the most. lots of band music back then. Boys Like Girls, MCR, The Script, We the Kings, TC5 , Faber Drive.

I liked Boys Like Girls and Faber Drive a lot back then. They were good, and then they switched to pop-ish sounds and I really don't like it. =/


I want to protect that smile
Next year and the year after that too I want to like you more than now
just this  I want to send to you now the words that only I am able to say with all my being