Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas and aftermath

When I woke up on Christmas day at 12 noon. I was bored, really really bored. I dunno what I actually did to pass the time, details are foggy.

Then came 6pm, off to my Aunt's house for Christmas gathering. Had some weird western buffet thingy. It was really good, and really expensive. I ate until I almost burst. And then we went home.

No presents. Nice. Which reminds me, I gotta get presents for ppl and give them next year which is a week from now, when school starts. Headache on what to get for who. Well actually the who-to-get-presents-for list isn't that long. So far only thought of 1 person anyway.

Well it wasn't a good day for presents, but definitely a good day for Dota, out of I think 8 games played from yesterday after the gathering until now, I haven't lost a single game yet.

Busy busy next week, gotta film a few days in school.

Santa gave me 1337 skills for Xmas. Joy to the world. Probably gone soon. Hours of work, hope everything goes well.

Good luck to us !

and incidentally -

the wait

Friday, December 24, 2010

Plastic world, plastic people

We live in a plastic world, filled with plastic people. Not plastic as in having plastic surgery done, but plastic as in fake, putting on false fronts, pretentious, trying to be someone they are not.

I have only a small circle of friends, and even in that small circle there is an even smaller circle of people that I feel I can truly be at peace when I'm with them, where I don't have to worry about being judged.

There are 'friends' that I've met since entering poly almost 2 years ago that I can certainly do without. So far I've had someone pretend to help me with a crush, but was only doing it for his own benefit. I trusted too easily back then. Trust once lost, isn't regained easily.

I may forgive, but I will not forget.

There's also this really annoying brat that keeps jabbering on and on about her own 'problems'. Lecturer sucks, school sucks, gpa sucks bla bla bla. Seriously, STFU. People have their own problems without having to hear you going on and on about your 'problems'. There's millions of people out there in less well off places wishing they had your 'problems'.

Just 2 of the people who annoy me greatly =)

Damn plastic world, I can't say I'm totally true to myself either but I feel that I know myself well enough to know that I am not much of a person.

Watching [Departures] today with some JCC people made me think about how people like to make themselves seem noble, holier than thou.

While watching Daigo get alienated by his friend and his wife for the job that he is doing. Hearing all the comments somehow really ticked me off.

'CB, that guy damn bastard' bla bla bla , etcetera.

I call some serious Bullshit. As if you'll act any differently if it was you. It's all well , good and easy to say you won't be like this while you're watching a MOVIE. Heck, it's all well, good and easy to say stuff like that when it's not actually happening to you.

Maybe your sibling takes up that kind of occupation, or your child in the future, I'd like to see how open-minded and accepting you are then.

I don't know myself well, but I know enough to know that I won't be accepting it, that 99% of the society we live in won't accept it. I won't want any child of mine with that kind of occupation, even though it's a job that someone will have to do.

For all the talk about open-mindedness, It never applies to oneself, only others.

So how bout, drop the pretense, stop trying to act noble, stop trying to put yourself up on a pedestal.

That aside, [Departures] is a great movie, other than the totally shitty ending. Watching it the 1st time with HuiXian and Emmie showed me a bit of the ugly/judgmental side of society. Watching it the 2nd time with more people showed me even more, just not directly from the movie itself.

--------------------------Ranting aside-------------------------------------------------------

Sub-comm interviews, happened just as I predicted. Fizah and Sam both got in. Eric as well, happy for them.

However, something I'm not totally comfortable with is the fact that most of the interviewees were judged as total strangers. We're judging them from a 2o minute interview which doesn't really show what kind of people they are.

Although there really isn't much we can do seeing as a large portion are ghost members. Which is a shame, because I think if we had gotten to know them beforehand at events, camps or stuff. The interviews and judging phase would have been much more efficient and accurate.

Gonna let off some pent-up rage

1st day of filming today, woke up at 7, out of house by 7.30.
Lakeside by 8.30
Chinese gardens by 9
started at around 10.30
ended around 2

we're about a quarter of the way done I guess.
Dragging heavy equipment under the hot sun is really really tiring.

More in store for us next week, even heavier next time.

When I finally reached home, all I want is to camp in front of my laptop and relax ( no life right ? yea I agree ). BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, freakin parents want to drag me out for dinner when I already had it. I tell them I'm tired, they tell me don't play games and go to sleep then.

How bout fuck off ? I'm not like you freakin sitting in air-conditioned office.



Freakin parents, I swear they're retarded sometimes, just because I'm sitting in front of my computer doesn't mean I'm gaming. 90% of the work I have to do outside of filming, involves sitting in front of the computer. The other 10% is drawing the picture I have on the computer screen.

Like to talk thrash to me about stuff they have no idea about. Go teach your chinese ? Do your freakin admin work and order people around ? I don't give a fuck, don't lecture me about stuff you know nothing about.

Yes I appreciate you giving me a place to stay, clothes to wear, food to eat, school to attend. But please understand that the both of you, who have not experienced poly education, please do not act as if you know everything. It's miles different from what you have experienced 25 / 30 years ago.

And I FUCKING HATE IT when you compare me with my cousins, your model students, my friends who do better than me in school or seem like a better , more filial child than me.

If you like them so much, go ahead and parent them and get the fuck off my case. It'd be more peaceful at least. You'd be surprised, they're not the model children you think they are.

Why can't you be satisfied with the children you have, instead of endlessly comparing them to other people's kids ?

It's not like I'm doing anything bad or illegal. Sure I don't get good grades, I even repeated a year. My record is squeaky clean, I'm not stealing, raping, fighting or doing drugs , so wtf kinda problem do you have with me ?


------------------------------------------/end rage--------------------------------------------

Feel so much better now.

Ok back to work.

And I'm reaching out an empty hand
Hold it there until it's full
Make it last

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The storm breaks

Finally, finished and submitted 2 assignments for this term. Time for a short break. Doubt I will be able to enjoy much though. Gotta do some filming during this 3 weeks, and submit another assignment by the end of the 1st week back.

Not to mention I gotta organize that badminton session sometime this term break.


Sub-comm interviews are next week. We had some today, which were kind of like a joke tbh. Some really epic BS being said and done.

Out of the 6 people that I'm fairly familiar and friendly with, I think I can say with utmost confidence, that Samantha will make it in. The fact that today's interviewees were kinda fail... helps I guess.

People may think I'm being biased, but I know what she's done so far, and I'm feel she's totally qualified for it.

Should I join sub-comm again ? lol. I really don't wanna be president though =(.
Hope they're not serious about that.


Pictures ~

Not too bad if I do say so myself, although I don't think its that great either.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Right or wrong ?

Is it wrong for me to like a girl who already has a boyfriend ?

Whether its right or wrong, right now, it doesn't matter to me. Boyfriend or not, I don't care.

Maybe it was a misconception that it was wrong to like someone already attached. I realise now that even if I can't have her. It's ok. I don't have to force myself to stop liking her.

I'm still able to see her in school some days.
I can still talk to her.
I can still SMS her to have a chat.
I can still crack jokes and laugh with her.

To do everything I can to make her laugh.

At the very least, I want to enjoy the time I have with her. And I hope she enjoys the time she spends with me as well.

Seeing her smile, hearing her laugh. Its good enough.

Maybe one day, she'll feel it, and she'll respond to me.

Maybe, just maybe.


Your skin, like gravity
Is pulling every part of me
I fall
You and I collide

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Think some happy thoughts.


I have a lot of things to be happy about. All of it, because of one girl, and the words she says.

Today, when she saw my 'new' phone, I told her it was really awkward to use and type for it, and that I lost her number. She said , " Oh so that's why I didn't get any messages from you lately "

Haha, maybe she got too used to it already.

That wasn't really why I stopped messaging her, but hearing that made me really, really happy. I can't really explain it. Maybe I'm being happy for nothing ? Haha

Every Tuesday morning, she asks if I had breakfast. Today, she also said maybe she'll pack breakfast for us some day if she has the time.

With that, comes the realization, that she cares about me, probably just as friends, but still, I'm really very happy. My heart kinda flew away there.

And then, the offer to help me with my work, if I ever needed it.


Damn she's just too cute and sweet. Knowing that she cares, makes life so much brighter.

So now, the problem is. How am I supposed to forget , if the feelings just keep getting stronger.


Plastic Tree - Mirai Iro

YEA THE PV IS OUT. I don't really understand it, but the song is great. 15 more days until the single is released . xDDDDDDD


I love you

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Talking is easy

I said I would stop thinking of her, and forget my feelings for her. It's proving to be hard to do so far. I still find myself thinking and daydreaming about her.

It's sort of wrong, and I really don't want to be doing this, but I really can't help it.

I thought it would be weird, but we're just the same as usual. Talking, laughing just the same as usual.

Maybe that's what makes it harder. Maybe I just need to give it some time.


Phone spoil. Sian to the max, left button screwed, down button screwed. Nvm still ok.

Select button spoil. GG, cannot set alarm. Which results in me blogging this at home while my classmates are in class.

Cannot find my old spare phone .. zzz, but can find my old mp3 player at least. So I got music.

But then I can't contact ppl. Holy shit. People can message me but I can't open the message.

This is so screwed up. It's not even funny.

Ok maybe it is, just a bit. xD


Been DOTAing quite a bit recently. It's sorta been getting in the way of my work. Although I did stay up until almost 3 am writing my script. So that's not too bad I guess.

I'm just really motivated to train and become a better player after losing in the DMIT gamer's meet.


Losing because I failed to control my opponent in lane leaves a bitter after taste. Although my team captain told me I did the best amongst the team in that game. I still kinda feel it was my fault for not laning well enough and letting my opponent get too stacked.

Our bans and picks were rather questionable as well though. So we sorta lost half the game through the banning and picking stage.

Gonna train it up, take my game to another level. Bring up every aspect of my game. Lane control, farming, ganking, juking, map awareness.

To be the player that my team and friends need me to be.

To play the perfect POTM


Would I have done better if she was there to watch me play ?

Dunno, maybe.

Oh well, there's next year.

the moon erasing sins, if I am forgiven,
it's alright if my sadnesses can't be counted
as if the stars are falling apart, as if they're being reborn
tomorrow, when waking up, I shouldn't forget these things
ah, there, I've found it, the light of the place I was reaching toward
ah, the world is shaking, I look up to be sure

it is from your light

Monday, November 22, 2010

Looking Back

It's just weird, when suddenly in the space of a few seconds, everything can suddenly change.

I was happy, and then suddenly everything kinda went all numb. And I couldn't really feel anything. I tried to look away, kinda like in denial lol. But then after a while, it just sorta sunk in.

I guess from now, I gotta force myself, to not think of her in that way, to not see her in that way anymore. It's gonna be kinda weird for me, to have to suddenly force myself to think differently.

Wonder what I'm gonna say when I see her again. Although I guess, really nothing has changed. She doesn't know. She probably still sees me in the same way as before.

Just gotta numb myself, and carry on. Nothing's gonna change. I can't do anything anymore anyway. So yea, whatever.

I'm fine now, I think.

It's ok.

It doesn't matter anymore.

It's like, I'm cutting away a part of myself. Waking up everyday, looking forward to seeing her smiling face in school. A routine that I've gotten rather used to over the months. It's not that I can't do that anymore. But my purpose is lost.

Cut. Cut away, the red string that binds my emotions to you.

Cut it away, so I can move on.

Cut it away, so I can continue, walking on the road of life.

Cut it away. To not be stuck in this moment in time.

A drop of feelings that can't be put into words,
cold and dry, it disappears, hey

Even if the world tried to go crazy with lies,
I probably wouldn't care

Somewhere in this world I'm singing,
and please let you be laughing somewhere in this world

Friday, November 19, 2010


Good game, well played




*********** is in a relationship with Samantha Tan,
and its not me.


I should have known, I should have fucking known. How obvious was it that I missed it ?!?!

How long has it been like this already. How many times have I seen them together. How obvious does it have to be. I should have fucking known.

Its over, its god damned freaking over. What the hell was it all for.

Shock. Numb. Cold. Dead. Empty

I was so much happier not knowing.

The images of them, hugging, holding hands... how do I get them out of my head ?

It's over before it started. I'm so stupid. I should have made sure before I fell so deep.

Like a Falcon, soaring on the wings of love.

Clipped wings.

Crashing down, back down to earth.

I want to scream, but no sound comes out. It's a weird feeling.

I don't know. I'm not sad, I can't cry. Maybe its cause, subconsciously, deep down, I already knew. I already knew what kind of outcome it would be, how the story will end.

This is the real world, there are no fairy tale endings. Not for me at least.

Her smiles were never meant for me
Her hands were never mine to hold
Her hair was never mine to stroke
Her waist was never mine to hug
Her cheeks were never mine to brush
Her lips were never mine to kiss

She was never meant to be mine

So stupid, so damn stupid...

What was the point. What was it all for.



Just.. go away


I want to forget. If there was a way, that I could just stop loving you now.

I want to forget, how can I forget ? Forget all these feelings, just forget and let go.

So so stupid, stupidly chasing after someone who was already attached.

The peak of stupidity. Higher than Mt Everest.

These feelings, will remain hidden, will never be said. Locked, buried, throw away the key.

X marks the spot, the spot where it hurts the most.

An arrow, sharp, piercing, right through the X. An arrow by Cupid's evil twin.

There is no blood. Just emotions swirling around, drifting away. Drifting, like the flower that is just out of my grasp. Like the love that I was never meant to have.

What did I try so hard for...

Should have known, should have fucking known...

Life is a game isn't it. Well... GGWP

Good game, well played.

Well fucking played.

The colours grow dull


Middle finger to the world. Screw you.

Tomorrow, I'll be fine.

Delusion. Abrasion. Diffuse. Evaporate. Scatter. Feelings into dust.

Ignite. Fan the flames. Stamp it out

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Treasured memories. Fond recollections.

When I'm with you, nothing else matters.
When I'm with you, the world shrinks to just the two of us.
When I'm with you, the time flies by.
When I'm with you, you're all that I see.

I wonder if you'll ever feel the same for me

School visit is finally over. Even though I had fun and really enjoyed it, I know of the many obstacles that were overcome in the planning and organization of this event. Kudos, to the people who made it work. And all the other clubs that participated of course.

Guitarists performance was totally amazing btw =DDDDD.

River flows in you <3

Thursday was all girls, Saturday was all guys. It was really fun of course, but in a different way. Even though we could not communicate well with each other, we enjoyed the games we played together. In that, I guess I kinda found a sort of kinship with the students.

A bunch of guys, kicking a shuttlecock around. Nothing else is needed. Transcending the language barrier.

Of course, a bunch of other stuff happened. Eg, some spilling of food. Overstepping our time limit bla bla bla. Rather chaotic near the end, but somehow it ended well enough.


The idiotic things I do for love :

I went to AFA ...

Yea.. seriously....

And what I have to say is : Unless you wanna suffocate or something, stay the hell away from AFA. No space to walk, getting pushed and jostled all around. That's some serious BS man.

Yup, the totally idiotic things I do for love.

Maybe I shouldn't have tagged along, 1 guy (me) and 9 girls ( some I know, some I don't ). Totally super awkward. If I had known I would be the only guy...

Hanging out with the girl I like ( and a bunch of her friends who I'm not familiar with ) wasn't so bad I guess. She didn't have much time for me though, being with her friends and all. I was probably just the wallpaper in the background there.

So yea.. sucks to be me.

Yup, the SERIOUSLY RETARDED things I do for love. FML LOL

Well the most important thing at least, is that I was with her. Wallpaper in the background or not, that's all that matters. I guess.

Ignited -Piano Ver-

Been getting into listening to piano tracks recently. It's very relaxing.

If I play love, you're the piano.
If I compose love, you're the song.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


Let's burn a hole, so we can climb out
Of these paper walls and this empty house
Don't listen too close, their words are like guns
With bullets that fly, and kill what you've won

11/11/10 : School visit program.

Performances were pretty cool. The students were pretty cool. Think the day would have been pretty good, if not for some BS officer with a shitty attitude giving trouble to our boss.

The students were supposed to be the same age as us, or so I've heard. The guys look like 20+, the girls look like 14/15 lol.

I was kinda nervous at first but they were pretty enthusiastic about the games. I hope Saturday's group will be the same.

不知不觉 I'm kinda looking forward to Saturday. You'll be with me then.

Subway twice today. Hole in my wallet.

Lots of behind the scenes trouble. Hope our president's ok. She's got it tough. She didn't look well at all today. Should i have said / done something ?

Dunno what to do, like useless only. Waste of space.

Ah, even if the future is nothing but fumbling, at least it’ll be a new day.
I must look like a fool.

Chaos. Frenzy. Anxiety. Boiling point. When shit hits the fan

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The paper walls of our lives.

Lets take what hurts, and write it all down
On these paper walls, and this empty house

As the days go by, I waste away my precious time. Thinking about things that shouldn't even be in my mind, I'm behind schedule on my school assignments. Where's my sense of urgency ? Seems like its deserted me. I just don't feel like I need to rush to do anything anymore even as deadlines loom closer and closer.

Feels like I don't have a purpose in life. People have their hopes and their dreams, I don't. Nothing excites me, gets my blood rushing. Life currently is a monochrome. Everything's in black and white. There are no colours, no excitement.

Of course, I have my friends, and I truly enjoy their company. Outside of that, it just feels like I'm out of limbo with the rest of the world. My friends and her are kinda the only thing I feel like I'm living for now.

How do I break this chain of monotony ?

School visit program next week. How will it turn out ? Am i excited about it ? Could be.
Nervous ? Definitely.

Traditional games, the only one I know how to play is chapteh, and even then I'm not that great at it.

Hope I don't screw up. Oh well, we'll just see how it goes.


All that's in my mind, all that I can think of. Is you.

A sweet smile.

Twinkling eyes.

Flowing black hair.

You are what I think of when I try to sleep, you're the first thing I think of when I wake up

Every morning, no matter how long and tiring the upcoming day may be, I force myself to wake up and go to school. Partly because, to grab at the small chance that I'll get to see you. The other part is.. to learn stuff.


Every time I'm close to you, I have to do all I can to prevent myself from pulling you in close, putting my arms around you, holding you close.

To not lose myself in you

I'm pretty screwed up huh ?

No, I don't need that question answered.


Life works in really weird ways I guess.

Unexpectedly, out of nowhere, you appeared right before me. My heart skipped a beat, leaped and soared high into the sky.

I forgot whatever I was supposed to do at 7pm on Thursday, to stand beside you, to talk to you about the most random things ever. At that point in time, I could see nothing but you, it was like, the rest of the world had disappeared, just me and you, side by side, in our own secret garden.

Reality strikes back. In the form of school visit briefing that I remembered after half an hour.

Do you think that lil TKD boy was cute ? What about those puppies in the video I showed you a few months ago ?

They're nothing compared to you. Honestly.

How can someone be so childlike, innocent, adorable and yet seem so mature and sensible at the same time. You're really something.

I want to say ' I love you', but I don't think I can, not before I truly understand what love is, what those 3 words really represent.

And so ends this ridiculously long, and horribly mushy post.

I want the world to see, what you mean to me

Friday, November 5, 2010

A tribute - paying our respects.

Before reading, please listen to this

Yellowcard - Dear Bobbie

A tribute. To our grandparents, who went through so much in their lives.

This is a song that I used to listen to a lot, I forget when I lost it, or stopped listening to it. It's a song that I chanced upon again while surfing youtube.

It's a very simple song. However, the emotions and feelings behind the song can be heard clearly through the lyrics. It's a song written by Ryan Key, the front man of Yellowcard dedicated to his grandparents.

Hearing this song, made me realise that my , all our grandparents, have been through so much to get to where they are now. Maybe its the trials and tribulations they have faced that have made their love so strong.

My grandparents lived through the Japanese occupation, they were in their early 20s/teens back then.

After that, an uneducated grandpa had to work so hard to be able to feed a family of 8, to be able to fund their education, while grandma stayed at home to take care of the kids. Not an easy feat.

After all, it's all thanks to my grandparents who have raised my mom so well, that I can live so comfortably now.

Everything I've written so far, has been about my Mom's parents who are still alive and kicking. Sadly, my grandfather on my Dad's side died before I was born, and my grandmother died when I was 2 or 3, I don't remember anything about her. But I'm sure they have a similar story.

Even as old as they are now, My grandparents ( on my mom's side ) still love each other deeply, I wasn't there, but Mom told me that my grandpa cried when grandma was admitted into the Hospital not too long ago.

It's the story of my grandparents that gives me hope and to be able to believe in everlasting love.

To all grandparents out there, not just my own. This is for you.

Do you remember when ?
How long has it been ?
1945, you opened my blue eyes,
To see a whole new life.
Do you remember when,
I told you this that night,
that if you're by my side,
when everyday begins,
I'll fall for you again.
I made a promise when,
I told you this at night...
I'll be fine

Cause when i die, then I die loving you
It's alright
I'll be fine
Cause when i die, then I die loving you
Loving you...
Loving you...

You have grey hair now, but you're a beautiful woman
And the years have been good to both of us
We walk slow now, but we still have each other
The glue of love is still binding us together
Love is what i remember, do you remember ?

It's the simplest of songs, that carry the strongest emotions
- Love is what I remember. Do you remember ? -

Someday, I hope to have something like this

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


Red, blue, dreams and lies. The coloured sky.

I am a very lucky person. Even though I'm almost always complaining about something or another, complaining about workload, school, parents and life in general.

It's been lost on me that I actually lead a very blessed life. I don't actually have to worry about anything other than school, everything that I could need has already been provided by my parents.

Mom and Dad : Thanks for putting up with all my nonsense

My workload is also nothing special, everyone else is going through the same as I am. In club, I'm also a committee member who has done next to nothing compared to the P and VPs. My responsibilities are nothing.

Friends. Rude at times, crude at times, noisy at times, but I couldn't ask for a bunch of better friends, they're already the best. I'm very lucky to have met them. Doing things together, laughing together, all the hi-jinks that we get up to. Each and every one, a fond memory.

Friends : You are all irreplaceable, important people in my life.

Last but not least, the amazing girl, the light in my sky. You've brightened up my life by just being there, I'm very glad that you are , in a small way, a part of my life. It may be just a small part, but you hold a very important place in my heart.

Girl-who-shall-not-be-named : We may never amount to anything more than friends, but I'm still very happy that we got to know each other

Thanks for everything.

At least we're not smoking, taking drugs, committing crimes, keeping bad company. No matter how screwed up we think our lives may be, we could all be doing a lot worse but i guess we should be thankful for having all the great people around us, to make sure we don't walk down the wrong path.

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret, so I will not forget, I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago I know, I cannot forget, I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you, and things we used to do
Follow me there, a beautiful somewhere, a place that I can share with you



Friday, October 29, 2010

~The white star overlooking the ferris wheel, fiddling with a red string as I sing alone on the roof~

So I haven't seen , heard or talked to you for more than 2 days already. And I'm like having withdrawal symptoms or something haha. =P

I had a really wtf moment in class yesterday. I got applauded by a teacher when I walked out of his class... like what the hell ? It kinda went like -

Cher : you all can go if you don't want to stay in class anymore, or you want to go home and do your work.

Me : Cher, you sure can go anot ?

Cher : yes yes sure sure, once one person leave all will surely follow. So who will be the brave one to be the 1st to leave.

Me : Ok ah cher , you say one ah ? K bye cher

-Then i walked out.. then he stand up and start clapping.. O.O wtf

And then.. stayed up doing Maya until like 3.30 am resulting in waking up at 10am today to not go to school and instead wasting time like usual. Like totally wasting time sitting in front of the com and surfing random stuff since 11am until now and still going strong ! xD

So work's kinda piling up as I realise I'm actually super behind on the 101 ideas. CRAAAAAAP, i really really hate that stupid assignment.

Life's really quite dreary when I don't get to see you or even talk to you in msn or anything. I miss you... alot... lol. I'm happiest when I'm with you, or even just talking to you over msn or anything that involves you. You always manage to put a smile on my face.

If not then I still have at least, the memories of you replaying in my mind over and over and over again.

meguru, meguru, kimi wo omou
Around and around, thinking of you

I think well, I'm just gonna go with the flow, when the time feels ripe to tell you, then I'll tell you then.

When it feels right... I guess, no idea when it might be.

I just know, that I want to see you in person really really badly. Just a glimpse will do, a smile and a wave of your hand. It's a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

Inside my right hand there’s warmth
Someday it’ll shine over someone else
The rhythm starts to beat faster
My heart screaming out your name

Monday, October 25, 2010

Wishful thinking.

Today, a lingering thought that has been at the back of my mind finally manifested itself as a real and definitive danger.

As much as i hate to think about, i think that, no, I KNOW that there's definitely a lot of other guys out there that are interested in her. These past few months, it's been a topic that I've kept pushing to the back of my head. But now, I can't ignore it anymore.

This is how it feels to be stuck between a rock and another rock. Either way I go, I just don't see much chance of success.

Option 1) confess, get it done fast.
Most probable result 1) No. Then I'll probably go emo for like a month or something.

Option 2 ) wait it out, get closer to her 1st
Most probable result 2 ) Someone else goes and does it while I'm taking my own sweet time

Yeap, either way doesn't really go well.

And then there's Option 1 and 2's alternate ending. Against all odds, she say's yes............. Nah, not gonna happen. Not with my kinda luck in love.

Now let's examine the non-luck factors

Good points : .. ... ... can't think of any
Bad points : .. ... ... geez where do i start. Lazy. check. No talent to speak of. check. Not good looking at all. check. urgh what else is there.. ARGH WHATEVER FML

Just 2 hours a week, 2 measly hours. Even though its something, its nowhere near enough.
GRRR, damn envious of her classmates.

Damn, I wish I can see her everyday. It just feels so uneasy when she's not there. Dunno how to explain this feeling. I just know it sucks to feel like this all the time. It's not cool at all, I can barely concentrate on anything else.

Crap, I just hope it all doesn't end up to be a waste of time. How am i supposed to win, when my deadliest foe is myself. How am i supposed to change myself to be good enough for her. Ok so I know I gotta change myself, how the bloody hell am i supposed to do, where do I start from, what am I supposed to improve on ?

So many questions, so many doubts, so little hope.

Happy ending ? Sure hope so.

Yellowcard - Gifts and curses

Pretty much summarizes my mood right now

If I look up there’s a colourless sky, water vapor melting off my heart,
If you were taken from me, with that my dream too would end

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Art, manga, cake and growing feelings

Met Sam at Orchard today. She was a lil bit late but.. so pretty today.

Then off to Art friend to get stuff for our GDP animal standees assignment. A3 paper for a cover and supposed to get A3 mounting boards as well. But they were out of stock. So we bought the super big one, then went outside to cut. Sorry arh, I dint do a good job of cutting.

Then go kino walk walk look around and browse. So apparently she likes baking recipe books LOL.

Looked through some animation books as well. Super cool stuff.

Sam modelled a classroom on maya for one of her previous assignments.. wowz, thats pretty damn good.

After that went back to MRT station to meet up with JCC members so we can go to JCC. =P Met Jonathan while we were waiting. Surprise surprise, Haizul instead of Shaojie, thats good xD.

The manga/anime exhibition thing was a lot smaller than i expected. But there were some really nice pieces of art on show. But the free manga is like.. zzz, some super old unheard of stuff, which we didn't take.

Voted for some sorta lucky draw thingy, hope i win the kino vouchers, which is the 2nd place prize. 1st prize is return air ticket from Japan, which would be totally wasted on me since I won't have the cash to go to Japan in the 1st place.

Then back to ION with Sam and Jonathan, this time's to look for a cake for my Mom's birthday present.

Thanks Sam ! For helping me find a nice cake. Mom likes it a lot xD.

And then this is where we said goodbye, if i wasn't carrying so much stuff I would totally send her home. =(.


Went some Coffeeshop for Tzi Char at night to celebrate my Mom's birthday. We had curry fish head ~mmmmmmm~

Go home all too full to eat cake already haha.


You're so beautiful and adorable, no matter what you're wearing, sweet, helpful and always cheerful. I wish so badly you would be mine. These feelings that I cannot suppress no matter how hard I try.

Embraced, fleeting, falling feelings
Are like flowers in brilliant, full bloom

How much longer can I go on like this I wonder ?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Screaming, singing, laughing, enjoying

Wednesday 20th October-

6 hours of karaoke, more screaming than singing actually but it was fun.

List of stuff i sang/screamed :

Spica - Plastic Tree
Makka na Ito - Plastic Tree
Replay - Plastic Tree

Dear Tokyo - SID
Otegami - SID

Utakata - Kagrra,
Shizuku - Kagrra,

The Great Escape - Boys like Girls

High School Never Ends - Bowling 4 Soup

I Miss you - Blink 182

Famous last Words - MCR
Teenagers - MCR
I Don't Love you - MCR

Viva La Vida - Coldplay

Yellow Beauty - LM.C

Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park
Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park


So sad couldn't find Wetoriya lol =(

Even more sad is that you weren't there to duet with me =((((


Then to burger king, i almost left me $50 textbook there, heng i remembered.


Reach home at like 11+ super shagged. Good thing today's class started at 12 pm, or i think i sure die in class.

GDP animal standee due next monday ... rush rush rush, gonna buy mounting boards and stuff on saturday.

Haiz, school just started and I'm already feeling the heat.. what is this..

Plastic Tree - Spica ( Piano Ver- )

Beautiful, amazing cover

Please please please...
Let me.. let me... let me... let me...
Get what i want..
This time..

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Supposed to wake up at 6, woke up at 5.30 instead -_-. Couldn't get back to sleep, rolling around for half an hour until 6am.

Out of the house at 6.30

School by 7.25

super early.

GEMs was ok i guess. Learnt that Zenya pomegranate green tea has like 10 teaspoons of sugar in it ><.

Other than that, it's kinda hard to pay attention when there's a super cute girl sitting next to you =P

And then it's off to Storyboarding and story telling class.

It was rather fun until the teacher said gotta bring laptop for subsequent classes. Boooooo =(

Chilled in clubroom after classes ended. Was subjected to rabid fangirling by Haizul and some other girl I don't know.

Left at 4.30
Home by 5.30
Slept till 7.30

Supposed to work on assignments, but I'm like totally lazy right now

Because you live, girl

My world
Has twice as many stars in the sky

Not there I can actually see stars in SG but whatever

Saturday, October 16, 2010


Playing 'I'm a Loner' with just 1 finger is freaking weird. How the heck am i supposed to do it with my whole left hand.

So.. I'm always wondering, where are you ? Whatcha doing ? etc etc. Even though I've still got stuff to do, they're just unable to keep my mind off you. The only things that are able to are DoTA and magic ( which I've semi-quit ). Something thought challenging that forces me to think/concentrate.

Did 3 ideas today, so today's not been totally wasted. Still... 20 odd to go, 4 days. Think I can do it ? Hell yeah I can, will definitely find a way to.

An attempt at ...

Always in my mind
Captivating smile of yours
Brings light to my life

... a haiku, I think its in the right form. But is it any good ? Nah i doubt so. But it says what I'm thinking so.. good enough i guess. But it just sounds totally weird.

The last time I did this was all the way in Sec 2, during lit class. You're the one who made me want to try writing one again.

First try in 4 years, just for you.

Well... I really really miss you, see you on Tuesday I guess, at least I know I'll definitely be seeing you once a week.

SID - Otegami

This is a damn good live performance

LOL at Yuuya, tossing his sticks away

Yea go Shinji, love that solo

Dunno what Aki doing, playing like some crazy dude

Mao's voice damn good

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A good sleep

So.. now that the GEMs stuff is settled, i finally got a good sleep. Got into the same gems as she did ^^ , which is a relief, i thought i wouldn't get there. But in the end there were like 11 free spaces.
Haha, sorry bros for Pangseh-ing u all.

I'm getting the hang of it ! CN Blue's " I'm a Loner " intro. I kept picking the wrong strings at the beginning. Slowly gonna learn the full song, but a few technical parts that i got no idea how to do.

So now comes the dreaded 101 idas.. 40 ideas by wednesday ! HOW ?!?!?!?!

CN Blue - Love

They played this performance on my birthday !

~其实你是个心狠又手辣的小偷, 我的心, 我的呼吸和名字都偷走

Saturday, October 9, 2010

~La Di Da~

I really really think that we're getting closer, I just hope I don't end up being really really wrong haha =D

SID- Eru ( Yell )

Think I've already posted this before but whatever.
This is to the sweetest girl ever

Let it all out  Sometimes  Let me catch you with this hand

You're not alone  Surely you're not alone
From the day your voice reached me  I've needed you

"Those who shed tears can grow up,"
Rather than taking refuge in these irresponsible words  Spoken by the strong
You should party here  You're more beautiful when you smile

If you could look at your faults from a different angle  They'll be reborn  As part of your personality

Sing of the present  Let's sing together
Because you're getting through to me  Even if you can't make  A sound

You show me such a wonderful view
Now it's my turn  To offer thanks for these sincere thoughts
Because what changed me was  Undoubtedly  That's right  Your voice

To you at the beginning of your journey  I gift you with this cheer
For as long as my voice lasts  I'll repeatedly, always  Cheer for you


Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Well thanks Santa, wasn't exactly what i had in mind but it was great nonetheless. I really enjoyed being around her. A lot of funny stuff happened though we were all sorta bored. DVDs, comics, horror stories, jokes and a few animal invasions.

Can't help but notice, how her eyes become crescents when she smiles, and I can swear they twinkle when she smiles. A beautiful smile + eye-smile that melts my heart. And then there's that super adorable fear of bugs and horror stuff. And the way she curls up into a ball when sleepy
( ~awwwwwww~ )

I miss her already.

SID - Cosmetic

New single ! YEAH !

Mao really likes singing from a girl's POV, and that stuff he's wearing looks like female clothes
Aki's hair is kinda crazy
Shinji is cool as usual
No comments on Yuuya

like their outfits, except Mao's

Monday, October 4, 2010

A moment of happiness

Soo... right.. words can't describe it .. =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


And its the 1st time , 1st time, she initiated a convo with me , wahahaha ! Even though it was to ask about camp stuff and means absolutely nothing.

WOOHOOHOO, now i have a reason to look forward to it, although its just camp, and there's gonna be like 40 other ppl.

Santa, my wish for this year, is to be able to spend some quality time with this girl. I know I haven't been much of a good kid, and its still a long way from X'mas, Please please please grant me this.

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Doesn't seem like I'm getting anywhere at all. And I'm beginning to think that I'm just becoming an annoyance.

So.. I see your name there, and I'm not gonna double-click on it, no matter how much i want to


Thursday, September 30, 2010


Never thought I'd say this but, there's actually a soup BCM ( Ba Cor Mee ) that I like. Bedok 85 !

Woke up really late yesterday, so I didn't get in my 1 hour of practice =P. That means double time today. I'm thinking of trying something new today. Alone again, Wonderful World and / or American Idiot and / or makka na ito.

Ah.. lazy, but gotta step out later to go pay bills. And I really need to get started on GDP's 101 ideas thingy.

Urrrrrrrgh.. camp's next week. I was looking forward to it, but now I'm not so sure, not when there's a big damn gang of otakus showing up. Would look forward to it a lot more if somebody was going, but not gonna get my hopes up.

I closed my eyes, stored the various images of you in the depths of my pupils.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Thoughts about blogs and other stuff

Part 1:

Where to start .. where to start.. hmm

Well, before i started this blog i thought blogging was kinda a stupid thing to do. I mean, why publicize your life on the internet for people to read about. And then i started one myself. I forgot how it happened, but i started one of my own.

After using it for a few months, i discovered the true purpose of keeping a blog ( to me at least ).
It is a place for me to write (type) out everything that i cannot or am unable to say in real life.
The feelings that i am unable to express, the memories good or bad that i do not want to forget, the events that affected me or had an impact on my life, or just complaining about the crap that happens in general.

That's that, thanks blog, love ya.

Part 2 :

Been learning a song on my guitar. Holiday by Green Day. I roughly got it down i think. 'Cept that i'm not sure if I'm doing the power chords right. And i got no friggin idea how to do the solo.
Guy on Youtube didn't teach me that part sadly. Other then that, I think I'm doing fine.

Part 3 :

Surprise surprise, logging on at 10.30 am, and there you are. Then i just stoned for like 10 minutes thinking of how best to start a conversation. You are, as usual , a bright spark in my dreary life. For this 1 hour or so at least, if not for you, i would have been bored out of my mind.

Whenever I see you laughing with your friends, I wish I could be there beside you, laughing together, rather than just watching wistfully from a distance.

[THROBBING] feeling,falling in love
Always far away, your innocent smile
No matter how much I think already you're unreachable

Friday, September 24, 2010

Where'd you go, i miss you so..

Ok. 5 Months after i bought my guitar, i can finally play a few simple tunes. Not even full songs at that. Just short, simple tunes. But, it's really rather fun. I'm learning off youtube. I didn't think it was the best way to learn, but it's really quite helpful. Now my dream of being a proper guitarist is only a few years away =D

Think my body clock is kinda screwed up during holidays. Wake up at 11 am, lunch at 3pm, dinner at 10pm. Think waking up really really late does that to a person.

1st week of the 'official' holidays are over. Still lots of stuff to do. GDP.. gotta work out a bit as well. Keep myself fit and healthy. I haven't exercised in ages. Wonder if i can even run 1.6 km anymore. Sneezing like mad while I'm writing ( typing ) this. Uh..oh

It stormed like mad today. Lucky i already arrived at my destination (food court) before it started. Nevertheless, i was stuck there for more than 2 hours before i could head home. I really dislike the weather nowadays. So funky and unpredictable. To make matters worse, the hole in my roof opened again due to all the rain. Pfft, got a little puddle in the middle of the room whenever it rains.

You haven't been on for 2 days which means i haven't talked to you for 2 days. Today makes 3 soo... keeping my fingers crossed. I don't get to see you often enough.. so MSN and SMS are my only options which i guess is kinda weird huh ?

Was hanging out with a good friend/neighbour yesterday at my and/or his place. He told me about this girl he liked. Well I could hardly give him advice and stuff since I've got no experience at all with this sort of thing. Yea well, he clearly got along well enough with the lady. Good enough for her to SMSed him for a chat while she was bored. At that moment i realised. All the conversations between us, SMS or MSN were started by me. Thinking about that, i guess i really am kinda envious of this friend of mine.

I wonder if the relationship between us would even reach that stage where you'll turn to me to confide in me or just chat randomly at all.

Just what am I in your eyes ? Can i be barely even considered as a friend ? I sure hope that's the least i am.

As of now 25th September 12.58 am, its been more than 3 days.
Where'd you go.. I miss you so..

SID - Dear Tokyo

Looks like a small gig, and the audience is all males. Think its a special concert or something.

What I did today, What I did for the whole of today
Looks like I can puff out my chest and be proud
Finally discovered, finally discovered the things I am shouldered with  
The things I want to protect 

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


You took my breath away again. The things you do or say are just so overwhelmingly adorable sometimes. Now i'm falling for you even more.

And yea, you look really really cute with that cap, really suits you, makes you cuter than you alrdy are =P. I think i just melted when i saw that display pic.

Think I'm blogging too much mushy stuffs recently, shall try and tone it down.

Really wanna watch that new Gundam 00 movie, " Awakening of the trailblazer" looks really cool. Sick animation and all that.

The new 00 [Q]ant looks sick. Though Exia's still my favourite from the series.

My laptop tio bluescreened a few times these past few days. Think its about to die again. Really think i should persuade my parents to get a new one.

i want a DS so i can play pokemon =D

SID - Higasa

another really emotional song

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I miss you

10 seconds is not enough. If only i could have had more time with you, there's so much i want to say and do. My heart skips a beat when i see your amazing smile =P

Ha, more wishful thinking from me.

On the bright side - Manchester united 3-2 Liverpool

Berbatov HAT TRICK !

SID - Hanabira

another beautiful song by SID

Sing of the present  Let's sing together
Because you're getting through to me  Even if you can't make  A sound

Sunday, September 19, 2010


Wake up at like 7.20 am, unearthly time to wake up on a Sunday morning. Took bus to Clementi , one of the 1st ones there as usual.

seiransei in 3 words : Tiring, Crowded, Fun

Tio drag around to parts of sg i never been to before ( Dakota ). Big food centre there, food looked pretty good although i could only afford a cup of sugar cane drink.

Epic tofu cheesecake at clarke Quay !

Then sit at mrt station steps chit-chatting / gossiping lolz.

Saw you just as we ( me and my group ) were about to leave seiransei. We saw each other at the same time. First time you noticed me without me waving 1st. 10 seconds. All i could manage was "Hi" and " Bye, we're leaving now". Ah, i fail at keeping a conversation. Maybe its just the kinda effect you have on me. I wanted to say more, but i got tongue-tied =(

Even so - Happiest 10 seconds of the day.

Would have really liked to see you in the uniform, i bet you'll look really cute in it

smile smile smile
When you want to cry, it’s ok to weep with all your might!
smile smile smile
Be the way you are, the way you want to be! oh oh
smile smile smile
No matter how hard it is, it’s all right ’cause you’re not alone
smile smile smile
Your smiling face is what saves me

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Fun stuff

Friday -
Plaza sing with billy and darren to shop for ZA's birthday present. Then head to keith's house for steamboat. Cockfest as usual lolz.


JCC meeting @ pasir ris. 1st one there as usual. Went Mac's and write stuff for Enqi ( Nooooooo jasmine, not that sia suay pic ) Went aloha loyang book chalet, go field play frisbee. Go enqi's chalet sit around abit and eat some food. Jasmine's frnd says i look otaku-ish ? Firetruck.

All in all, a pretty fun 2 days. Seiransei tmr. Need sleep somewhat early, waking up at 7.30.

SID- Yell

The 1st song of theirs that i have ever heard, and what made me into the person that loves their music.

With what little ability i have, and all my might
I try to speak of my pining for you

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Blogging in the morn--afternoon

Well i'm glad you're ok. If ever feeling sad, just remember "smile, smile, smile". And well even though you're probably not gonna talk to me about your problems. I'm always there.

You're not alone  Surely you're not alone
From the day your voice reached me  I've needed you

Monochrome no kiss - SID

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Thoughts of dreams

I really really dislike having really nice dreams. The happy thoughts from the dreams come crashing down to earth when i wake up. I would rather not dream happy dreams if that's what the outcome is gonna be.

It's happened many many times and it's really quite frustrating when i wake up. Then i wish so badly that the dream was real.

I wake up smiling, and then i realise ..its a dream. Crap

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Waking up early

Had to wake up at 8 am today to go attend my cousin's wedding .. something. Serving tea to relatives, dunno what its called. Then went home to sleep for 2 hours before attending the Lunch Banquet at Goodwood Park. Food was ok, pretty standard stuff.

Table next to mine had the loudest bunch of aunties ever, chugging red wine like its beer. So unrefined. And generally making a nuisance of themselves. Red wine is so wasted on them. wth

Then went home to sleep some more haha. Woke up after 7 pm.

“Be yourself” and betray yourself!
A story where imagination is surpassed
When you’re tied up, burst out!
The life size of your present condition

The daybreak has come. The opening of a new today
The rain will stop soon. There’s no such thing as rain that doesn’t stop, so keep going forward!

“a custom-made gr8 story”

Saturday, September 11, 2010


Gotta redo that damn NEC cos Leon gave me and F for it. To top that off MoGraph -20 marks cos of copyright issues... daaaaaaaamn.

Got a freakin hard time redoing the NEC, i jus can't think of any decent ideas. Got until monday to complete it and hand it in.. so yea.. hope i can think of something decent by then.

I swear if leon gives me F again, i'll assassinate him.

Kagrra, - Shizuku

Ah, that’s it. I’m such a person.
Before meeting you, I hated myself
So inside the most important place in my heart,
I call out your name.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Yesterday night, i dreamed a wonderful dream, it was honestly the best dream i had in ages.
It involved you and me, on the upper deck of a double decker bus and you had accepted me.

An embrace and holding hands. In the dream, it felt so real.. our embrace, your hand in mine.

And then i woke up and realized it was all a dream.. FML

from =D to D=

Bleah, things are so awkward now

I wrote a text I won’t send.

If I close my phone, the time flashes.

How am I reflected in the eyes of the unknowing you, I wonder ?

Inside the constant flowing spiral of time
A droplet of warmth from you
Flows down my back
A dream that pierces my heart

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


I'm making no headway whatsoever .. Pfft

My fave soundtrack from Hitman Reborn...

Tsuna Awakens

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Can't sleep

Can't sleep, so i'm posting. Life at home kinda sucks. Bored much. Mum got angry at me cos i wasn't listening to her. Like hell its my fault you can't see i've got earphones on. Honestly amazed at her lack of common sense, even though she's my mother. Honestly its just so damn stupid sometimes, dunno whether to laugh or cry.

I'm so bored at home nowadays, its frustrating. Most of my friend's have exams, so its kinda like a week of solitude. Oh well, its good to be alone....... sometimes...

There's this band i've been getting into recently - Kagrra,
Combining j-rock elements with the usage of classical instruments, makes for a really unique sound. I'm really enjoying their music.

And then there's Plastic Tree, dug up some really amazing stuff of theirs, especially "Makka na Ito" Holy cow that song's pretty darn amazing.

-Sometimes i wonder, does it bother you when i keep trying to make conversation ?- Something that keeps popping into my mind like some bothersome pest. Grrrr

Everyone of us have a brush
called "personality"
Look, with a little bravery you can change it into any color
Let's paint our feelings

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Shopping ?

Topman Checked shirt with hoodie - $93 T.T
Uniqlo plain orange long-sleeved shirt - $15 =D

Walked around jurong point abit, saw some nice stuff but couldnt find what i wanted so yea..
move to ion orchard haha. Finally found what i wanted in Topman but holy cow $93 decided to get it after debating with myself for like 15 minutes.

So much stuff i saw in Uniqlo i wanted to get but only got $100 =(
Too bad then, wait for the next time.

Still missing you =(

Ah, I was talking in delirium~ I called your name, repeating it like a spell
Ah, I can’t forget Aa Your voice, all your faces, all spinning within my heart

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Random thoughts.

Yesterday , i did a little test. I walked right past you, to see if you would notice or see me. Hoping that you'll call out to me. You didn't =( .

Well yea , you were chatting with your friends while walking. When our paths crossed, i saw from the corner of my eye, you were facing my direction. Haha perhaps i'm just like the background of a picture, always there, but never noticed. Or maybe i'm just an insignificant person in your life.

Oh well, it doesn't matter anyway ( IT MATTERS !!! T.T ) , damn i should have just waved and said "Hi", lol the thick-headed idiot that is me . I'll put it out of my mind, at least until Tomorrow's presentation and stuff are cleared.

Come on, just 1 more day, 1 more day and its holidays. Then again.. i won't get to see you when there's no school. Holy cow, this is some serious BS, i want and don't want it to be holidays.

Sometimes i wonder when i think of you... do you ever think of me ?

Right.. *slap slap* snap out of it man, lets not start getting all emo and stuff

A drop of feelings that can't be put into words, cold and dry, it disappears, hey
Even if the world tried to go crazy with lies, I probably wouldn't care
Somewhere in this world I'm singing, and please let you be laughing somewhere in this world

Monday, August 30, 2010

WTH ???

Seriously ? 'F' for NEC project , you gotta be freakin kidding me, i think at the very least i should get a passing mark ? This is bloody ridiculous. Thanks ar Leon, salute you =_=.
So after a productive day, comes a totally unproductive day.

Did absolutely nothing for the whole day, started sorting photos @ 11+ and finally got into the mood and started drawing @ midnight and into the wee hours ~

Its kinda easier to concentrate late at night when its all quiet i suppose.

A girlfriend the color of water
A girlfriend the color of rain
Someday return your tears to the sky
Glimmering, twinkling
Wavering, swaying
When I'm with you like that

A girlfriend the color of rainbows
A girlfriend the color of dreams
Your smile will cross over the rainbow and reach me

Saturday, August 28, 2010

A lil bit of time to breath.

Finished MoGraph, Finished editting pictures. Halfway thru drawing. Its going pretty well.
Gonna finish all my drawing tomorrow. And maybe get started on some Ideation stuff.

Yeap, its been a pretty productive day if i do say so myself.

Got some spare cash lying around after paying my bills, so i'm wondering what i should spend it on ? Hmm.. or save it for future exploits since there's quite a few events coming up that i'm rather interested in.

Spica- Plastic Tree

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The calm after the storm ?

Well, after chatting with you on msn until 3am, i guess we're still the same as before.

Maybe, just maybe, i've gotten a lil bit closer to you. ^^ For that, I'm satisfied for now.

when i look at you my face gets red
when i see you my heart goes thump thump
i talk with shyness like a kid
when i look at you i just smile out of nowhere
like a fool I keep doing that
I think love came to me

I've finally got started on Mograph. It's tough, but i think i can do a decent job at least, with some help from video copilot.

today's MV

Kagrra, - Utakata

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Mixed feelings part 2

Damn damn damn damn damn. Why do i feel such negative emotions. The intense jealousy against those who get to see you on a regular basis. I don't want to feel this way, but dammit i can't stop.

You are in my mind every waking hour and then some. Every night i just toss and turn around on the bed, trying to fall asleep, but i can't. For some reason, you even appeared in my dream last night.

Your beautiful smile, and the adorable way you pout. My heart, my soul, it feels like they're trying to burst out of this mortal cage , transcend physical limitations, fly through the air to join you, to be by your side, no matter where you are. Just to be close to you, to hold your hand.

I can't go on like this. But i don't know what i should do, what i can even do.

Feel like screaming, but my voice is lost to me. The tears that won't fall from my eyes, are they flowing from the sky instead ?

If you mean that we don't know each other well enough yet, then please, please give me the chance to get to know you better.

I don't want to end it like this. Filled in my head, are only thoughts of you, so much so that i can't think of anyone else.

The feelings that i am unable to express, they are exploding in my chest- what will it take, to make my feelings known.

Even then comes more questions, more doubts.

How will it end ? Bliss ? or Heartbreak ?

Do i really want to know what you really think about me ? I'm afraid to find out. Sometimes i wish that i didn't fall for you. My life would be so much less complex then.

" Goodbyes are hard, but it'll be because we'll be happier the next time we see each other " That's the way it is for me, i wonder, i wonder if you feel the same ..

I know its pointless and stupid, but here i am, foolishly writing words for you, My feelings into text that you will never see.

Turning, turning, my heart again in the night,
In the darkness, searches for you
Darling, beloved,
I don’t know how long before the light goes out
I don’t need defined things somehow
Sadness is drawn out through tears
It’s alright. That’s just me.
With an empty right palm.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Mixed feelings and confused thoughts

I want to see you so badly, i want to tell you how i feel, i'm dead serious about you, even though it probably doesn't seem that way.

The effect you have on me, its like an elixir. I can be tired or not feeling well or a mixture, but just seeing your face, even for just a moment puts a smile on my face, invigorates me and gets me through the day.

Perhaps I'm trying to go too fast. It has after all been just a little bit over 2 months since i met you.
Perhaps i shouldn't have asked you out so soon. Now, I can't even send a simple sms. I want to talk to you, to get closer, to know you better, but I'm afraid. Afraid of all the possible negatives rolling around in my head.

I want to know what you think of me, but I'm afraid to ask, like the coward that i am.

I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about you.

In this unreliable, cruel world, uncertainty is the only certainty.

Alone again
A world I can’t rely on.
Round and round, how long does it spin?
My swirling heart’s a rainbow.
Searching for you in my memories is a mistake!
Your skirt flutters as you spread your wings, you, dream, illusion.
Tiresome tears spill all over my face.
Can I go looking for you again?
Hello, hello
You and I are out there somewhere,
Wonderful world.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


Totally shitty day. Screw it.
spent 6 hours stoning in front of adobe after effects.
watch singapore lose to some pathetic cheaters.

I'm not happy, not happy at all, but still i'm smiling. Just WTF is wrong with me. I'm such a fake person seriously, so goddamned disappointed with myself.

bad bad day.

In the end , i'm probably just a loner


It was enjoyable =)

Chimney bread was interesting, nice to eat, but kinda dry

$1 hot dog at the end

and then off to simei for another round of food.

now i'm hungry again =(

*it was only 2 hours or so, but i really enjoyed being around you*

Friday, August 20, 2010

work work work

I swear i'm gonna start drawing and doing my assignments tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Today i'm happy for reasons known only to myself.


smiling makes everything better =D, so

smile smile smile
If that’s how it is, try to smile with your whole body all the more!
So smile smile smile
Laugh off the sad times too! oh oh
smile smile smile
Give this universally unbeatable prescription a try!
So smile smile smile
Precisely because you might lose your way, be yourself at those times

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Alone again, wonderful world

Honestly , one of the most beautiful songs lyrical wise that i have ever heard.

Alone again , Wonderful world - Plastic Tree

Guess I won’t ever see you again.
This can’t be happening.
It’s like I’ve forgotten how to sleep as well.
In any case, this isn’t a dream.
You’re not here.
Ah, I need you.
I’m hurt.
Something’s happening to me.
The distance that prevents us from touching
And the passing days that pile up
Are where we’re being separated.

The chord of sadness is a roar.
I can’t even hear your voice, it won’t reach me.
The rustling wind smells sweet, sweet——.

Alone again
A world I can’t rely on.
Round and round, how long does it spin?
My swirling heart’s a rainbow.
Can I see you again?
Hello, hello
If you can hear me
Mischievous wonderful world.

Hey, I think about you all the time and call out your name.
My voice is echoing.
Midday moon.
A solitary answer comes to mind and almost vanishes.

A remnant of the painful mode.
I can’t even see your face, can’t recognize it.
The rustling wind laughs, laughs——.

Your skirt moves back and forth as you spread your wings, you, dream, illusion.
Tiresome tears spill all over my face.
If I can go looking for you again
Hello, hello
Where are you?
Spiteful wonderful world.

Today, sorrow is renewed again.
Tomorrow, sentimentality is still being approved.

Ah, even if I’m just grasping blindly in the future, at least it’ll be a new day.
I must look like a fool.
Beyond my tears, what are you saying to scold me?

Alone again
A world I can’t rely on.
Round and round, how long does it spin?
My swirling heart’s a rainbow.
Searching for you in my memories is a mistake!
Your skirt flutters as you spread your wings, you, dream, illusion.
Tiresome tears spill all over my face.
Can I go looking for you again?
Hello, hello
You and I are out there somewhere,
Wonderful world.

bla -

Cos i'm just honestly the most no-life person i know. My weekend consists of waking up at 12 noon and stoning around and wasting time in general

Friday, August 13, 2010

Dilemnas dilemnas

Aggro gets boring fast, control gets tediously long sometimes. gonna try something more midrange-ish next.

Games day tomorrow.. should i play ? Testing results haven't been good, doesn't look promising for me to play. Bloody inconsistent.

Forgot the submit sketches along with the other stuff, but oh well whatever.

Curry chicken donut - nice but kinda oily.

Short on cash as always =(

ps - missin ya

Thursday, August 12, 2010

1st completed project + randoms

Yay finally completed the NEC project + report. All that's left is to mount it up and submit it.
Took me a few hours to do , no help from lousy laptop's slow liquifying profess. Had to run around SG to get all the stuff i needed ( mounting board, tools and printing ), what a friggin bother. At least its finally done with.

Photography next week, need borrow camera from JQ.

Now that i've the time i should start to pick up my guitar again. Last time i tried learning was in aprit before school began. And i've promptly forgotten all of the few bits of basic stuff i've learnt.

random magic - BSA is a freakin house
Sun titan recurring o-rings on vengevines is g@y

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Dedicated to JJJ-P

I didn't cry the day i broke my teeth
I didn't think that I could feel this pain
Until I saw my front teeth on the floor
Whatever happened to my common sense
And the somethin' that i flamed about k-pop
Tell me how
Help me say the words out loud

Could it be
That nothings gonna change
Cause time has got a way of taking back
Everything you thought you had
Can you see
The teeth i used to have
The ones I lost when I jumped down the seats
Oh whatever happened to
my front teeth
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh

I need to wake up from this state of mind
The situation is the same kind
I gotta get your memory out of my head
Would you catch me if I had to fall
Would you even find the time for that at all
Tell me how
Help me say the words out loud

Could it be
That nothings gonna change
Time has got a way of taking back
Everything you thought you had
Can you see
the teeth i used to have
The ones I lost when I jumped down the seats
Oh whatever happened to
my front teeth
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh

Cause time has taken back
Everything I thought we had

my front teeth..

Could it be
Nothings gonna change
Cause time has got a way of taking back
Everything you thought you had
Can you see
the teeth i used to have
The ones I lost when I jumped down the seats
Oh whatever happened to
my front teeth
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh

hehehe stroke of genius if i do say so myself

Thursday, July 29, 2010

It was a fine day

Didnt start out too well, but ended up ok.

Woke up late, missed MoGraph practical lesson =(.

on the bright side, completed mindmap up to lvl 2.

Hang out with the guys after school @ PS starbucks. They were smoking though =(. smelly

Persona 3 is great so far !

Having a great RPG to play makes me feel like picking up and replaying all the other great RPGs
FF Tactics : War of The Lions -psp
FFVII : Crisis Core -psp
FFVII -ps1
FFIX -ps1
FFV -gba
FF Tactics Advanced -gba
Tactics Ogre -gba
Tactics Ogre : The Knight of Lodis -gba

yet to complete - FFX

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

blogging about.........nothing

boring boring day

had fried fish soup again for the 1st time in a few months

nothing much happened

Persona 3 is pretty good so far

ps: 3 seconds of happiness

Monday, July 26, 2010

Unexpected happenings.

Surprise surprise~

Photography grade: 14/20 WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than what i expected.

On a nerdier note : Downloaded Persona 3 Portable today, cant wait to fire it up
Up next - Kingdom Hearts : Birth By Sleep and Ys Seven.
Finally PSP is getting some decent stuff.

PS : you'll probably never see this but i'm happy i got to see you again today

Sunday, July 25, 2010


Spent most of my weekend at home again.

need to get out more

life feels so dreary

wish i could see you more often


editting photos

i'm rather bad @ photography

Monday, June 21, 2010

camp !

my one and only camp photo xD

Saturday, June 19, 2010

wacky weather

Weather is really whacked lately, flooding in the middle of june ??? WTH.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


SID's new single "Rain" was leaked over the internet before it was released, IT ROCKS ! New favourite song, alongside Plastic Tree's "Harusaki Sentimental"

Sunday, February 21, 2010


Here i am, blogging on the eve of my 1st paper, pacc. I'm prepared to flunk totally. Why did i ever enter this course. I never had any interest in it. I should have did something i was interested in instead of listening to all the 'oh tourism has good prospects' . I'm most probably going to transfer course next year anyway.

Monday, February 15, 2010

I hate dumb relatives

bloody long rant, bear with me.
Relative A appears and proceeds to attempt to shake our hands. Shakes with my sis, proceeds to shake with my bro, dumb bro is too lazy to get off his damn chair, results and relative A getting all pissed and walks off without shaking my hand. Bugger proceeds to complain to the whole room how rude me and my bro were. My Dad hears it and gets angry calls us over to apologize and whatever. Bugger says he doesn't want an apology, doesn't want an apology my ass, why complain to the whole damn room then. And when the fuck was i rude to him, he's the one who walked off without shaking my hand. Idiot bro as well, always causes trouble and gets me caught up in it.

Awhile later, Relative B, who coincidentally is the wife of relative A is grabbing some food, and light tap on her shoulder and she goes " why so rude ? " WTF ? ALSO NEVER PUSH YOU OUT OF THE WAY. RETARDED OR WHAT

Monday, February 8, 2010

At this point in time, i dont think any amount of study is going to help me not forward one year

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Peter chao domination.
" i dunno how to dance but i can pretend"

Thursday, January 28, 2010


i wanna now. i wanna shoot the arrow
i wanna summon the stars and ride my tiger. i need a win before i can sleep properly =x


jkjk =x